the_squishy

Well I'm back if you couldn't already tell. i'm working for a temp agency now. I don't get paid much, but it's money. I got lots of great things for christmas and I'd like to thank my friends for the presents that they gave me. They didn't have to, but I appreciate it just the same. I do believe that I drank more this New Year's eve than last. Although I can actually remember it because I drank through out the day as opposed to a lot of liquor in like twenty minutes and hurting because of it(vomiting, memory-loss, nudity, etc..)

I'm starting to become shy again. Well I never stopped it's just that I'm not fighting it as much. Hey it's 3:33pm right now..only half evil. Yeah randomness, I know. I came to a realisation last night, well more of early morning. That I have been alive for a little over twenty-one years now and I have nothing to show for it. I'm still sleeping in the same room that I did when I was a newborn baby. Of course by that statement you could guess that I still live with my parents.

I haven't really done much of anything. I mean I went to a friend's party yesterday and just listening to my friends conversing with their friends and being nostalgic got me depressed. Looking back on my life, it kinda goes like this "Eat, crap, video games, and sleep". You know Idon't have all of those great, and bad, memories that they do. Even if they aren't sucessful right now or are asking themselves the same question I do. The point is that they have actually lived. I remember when I was a kid all I wanted to do was get out of school, to get it over with. But also looking back I never thought about what I'd be doing afterward. It was just, get out of school, get out of school, get out of school. Then when that happened it was like, "Okay now what do I do now?" Now, nearly four years later, I'm still asking myself that same question. Except now the pressure is on. I have to make up my mind now while I'm still young so that ten years from now I'm not in the same place with the same question hanging over my head.

I want to get my life on track, I want to be my own person, and I want to be alive. Really thinking about it I've comes to grips with the fact that I haven't been living all of this time, but instead I'm just breathing. I want to, no, I have to, make something of myself. Failure is not an option. I just have to figure out what it is and do nothing else but eat, sleep, and breathe it. I'm sorry for the rant. I just entirely broke down last night and this is what I was thinking about. Kinda like a mental breakdown or something. Well anyway Happy New Year people, I hope it turns out to be a great one...