the_monster

90% of the time i really am ok with being such a loner. i know it seems like all the blogs i've written the past few days are bitching about it but that's 'cause lately it's been that other 10% of the time. today was the ending ceremony for the program i was interning through. afterwards they had a reception and everyone was laughing and talking with all the people they met, and yeah a few people came by and said hi to me but mostly i just watched. i had mixed feelings about it, honestly i think most of the people there are after the wrong things and are not people i would want to associate with but i know there were plenty there i could have made good friends with. my anxiety is just so damn bad i never was able to meet them. a lot of people don't understand that. how it can be so crippling that you spend an hour getting yourself ready to introduce yourself to someone and then when you finally have yourself together enough to do it they're gone. ugh. i don't think anyone reads these but if you do sorry about all the bitching lately, i promise i'm not normally like this.