the_minx

Well I did it. I had a mental breakdown. I stayed in bed for over 24 hours. I completely ignored Grant....but he kept pushing and pushing and pushing at the subject. he wanted me to talk about things I wasn't ready to talk about yet. And blam. Out of the darkness of all that is evil...I ripped him a new one. And then became very childishly emotional. I've been crying for the past 3 hours.

I'm glad it happened. I really need to grow up. This being miserable shit all the time really sucks. I'm thinking I might be bi-polar. If there is any information anyone has on it, it would extremely helpful. thank you.

Either way. While throwing a tantrum, crying, and feeling sorry for myself....Grant kept telling me..."STop being so fucking afraid of life, Rebecca. Get off your ass and do something. You've tried before...You can try now. I'm proud of you." Of course I was upset so it just made me squirm and cry more.

I even stooped as low as threatning to comitt suicide. He shortly after dismantled the gun.

I feel like such a fucking child right now.

So...I'm here by myself. And I realize this.

I applied for a few jobs via phone and internet. I'm going to try and get myself a place. and I'm gonna learn how to live alone. It sucks...but jesus. I'm getting too old for this behavior.

For once, I'd just like someone to tell me they're proud of me for being able to recognize all of this. I want it to change, though I feel I lack serious support.