What's wrong with me?
Where did this go wrong?
It was NOT supposed to be like this...
I'm supposed to be this tough, indepedent, non-emotional, charismatic, open-minded, intelligent, void of men's games type of girl....
Somewhere along the lines....I fell for this guy...and liking him (or falling in-love with him if you will) has felt more of a punishment than an asset to my life. Sometimes being just his friend is a chore.
He's a wonderful guy, don't get me wrong...and please take into note, there is ALWAYS two sides to a story...and I'm sure there are a billion things I don't know, that is going through his head (considering his job...yeah).....but because I've invested a lot of emotion into this "relationship" if you will.... I tend to seem biased. I'm really not - or at least I try not to be. I just fell a little harder than expected.
All I wanted was a courtesy phone call. He's never had a problem calling before to cancel, or tell me he just wanted to have a boys night out. Why this time? And to make it worse....I waited the whole time, like a fucking idiot. What is my obsession with looking like a moron?
A friend once told me they've noticed I have spent 75% of my life waiting on other people....and most of the time...I just get dissapointed and abandoned. And quite frankly, I'm fed up.
*sigh*
I sound like a fucking 14 year old, emo concubine whining because her friend got leather seats in her car, and she didn't....er something.
Sometimes I wish I could just push a button and start this whole movie over again. Sounds cliche' but much like everyone else, it is a human instinct....just like suicide. I have not met a person my age or older, that did not admit to contemplating and/or attempting suicide in the teenage, early 20's year.
I feel I am being too dramatic, but sometimes thats what it takes to truly get my point across. If I come across in a calm manner...I start focusing on trying to conveiance the other person by being tactful and passive, rather than finding the right words to describe my feelings and end up making it sound like a different situation and solving nothing.
I can't wait til' this is over. Til he leaves, I guess.
Why can't I just back out? What is this guy doing to me? Is it because he's going to war? Because he might die soon...and I'm doing the primal instinct..."must carry on the blood-line of the warrior" type of bullshit. I mean, I'd really like to know.
Seriously....somethings in the water here. There's new born babys everywhere...and people are falling in love...and yeah. Just crazy stuff.
Oh and to top off the whole ordeal...some dude grabbed my vagina WHILE I was on STAGE last night at work...and so I hit his arm...and had him thrown out. I was so upset, and even lightly weeped at one point....I guess no one has to feel sorry for me, because they all feel like I set myself up for it by working there. I guess in a sense they're right....but what do THEY know?
[End Of Transmission]
Where did this go wrong?
It was NOT supposed to be like this...
I'm supposed to be this tough, indepedent, non-emotional, charismatic, open-minded, intelligent, void of men's games type of girl....
Somewhere along the lines....I fell for this guy...and liking him (or falling in-love with him if you will) has felt more of a punishment than an asset to my life. Sometimes being just his friend is a chore.
He's a wonderful guy, don't get me wrong...and please take into note, there is ALWAYS two sides to a story...and I'm sure there are a billion things I don't know, that is going through his head (considering his job...yeah).....but because I've invested a lot of emotion into this "relationship" if you will.... I tend to seem biased. I'm really not - or at least I try not to be. I just fell a little harder than expected.
All I wanted was a courtesy phone call. He's never had a problem calling before to cancel, or tell me he just wanted to have a boys night out. Why this time? And to make it worse....I waited the whole time, like a fucking idiot. What is my obsession with looking like a moron?
A friend once told me they've noticed I have spent 75% of my life waiting on other people....and most of the time...I just get dissapointed and abandoned. And quite frankly, I'm fed up.
*sigh*
I sound like a fucking 14 year old, emo concubine whining because her friend got leather seats in her car, and she didn't....er something.
Sometimes I wish I could just push a button and start this whole movie over again. Sounds cliche' but much like everyone else, it is a human instinct....just like suicide. I have not met a person my age or older, that did not admit to contemplating and/or attempting suicide in the teenage, early 20's year.
I feel I am being too dramatic, but sometimes thats what it takes to truly get my point across. If I come across in a calm manner...I start focusing on trying to conveiance the other person by being tactful and passive, rather than finding the right words to describe my feelings and end up making it sound like a different situation and solving nothing.
I can't wait til' this is over. Til he leaves, I guess.
Why can't I just back out? What is this guy doing to me? Is it because he's going to war? Because he might die soon...and I'm doing the primal instinct..."must carry on the blood-line of the warrior" type of bullshit. I mean, I'd really like to know.
Seriously....somethings in the water here. There's new born babys everywhere...and people are falling in love...and yeah. Just crazy stuff.
Oh and to top off the whole ordeal...some dude grabbed my vagina WHILE I was on STAGE last night at work...and so I hit his arm...and had him thrown out. I was so upset, and even lightly weeped at one point....I guess no one has to feel sorry for me, because they all feel like I set myself up for it by working there. I guess in a sense they're right....but what do THEY know?
[End Of Transmission]
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
And while a lot of guys will look at that as a bad thing, the ones worth keeping won't see it that way.