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the_matt79

Minot, ND

Member Since 2007

Followers 422 Following 1488

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Wednesday Feb 16, 2011

Feb 16, 2011
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I often sit and wonder about those in my life, both in real life and those I have met over the distances closed in by the wonderful signals being sent across phone lines, cords, and "tubes" that are the interwebs. I wonder if they fear like I, if they feel like I, if they dream like I, if they do like I do... I wonder these things because these are the things that are important to me and that I think are important in a person's life, but yet I don't ask.

I don't ask because I appreciate my own solitude and do not want to push into others', but at the same time I am a complete and open book if someone asks me something, I don't find myself holding back when answering questions, when I tell stories I don't mind being personal even if it means I might be embarrassed, for some reason this does not seem to bother me like I had once thought it would, so why do I not enquire into other's? Because I see the difference between people? Not always. Often I forget that people think differently than me and this usually comes about in a situation when I describe something that makes perfect sense to me but either confuses another or leads them astray. I know that others will think differently so I don't ask.

Want to know a secret...I don't ask for fear of the answer.

That has often been my life story, don't want to know the answer? Then don't ask the question, easy enough.

The thing is, the stuff I really wonder, the questions I would ask, they are mundane. I don't care what tricks your second lover had, I don't care which of your cousins you secretly hated, I don't want to know why you think frogs are the most beautiful amphibians of all, no I want to know how you are doing, really know. Those other questions are subjects that come up periodically as you get to know someone, but asking someone how they are is something always asked.

You might wonder why that could be a question unasked by someone such as me, and I'll tell you. Because I care about the reasons why you are feeling what you are. I don't just want to know good or bad, I want to know why you are, how you came to be, what is effecting the mood, who is causing that, when the mood changed. Those are not necessarily things you ask, even when it's one of your closest friends.

I have great close friends, people who have become brothers and sisters to me, but they are miles away unfortunately. This can cause stilted conversations where I want to ask but don't, and when asked I don't say, and I always kick myself in the ass over that because my life isn't as dull as it sounds in those phone calls, but I freeze when asked what's new, freeze.

Because my close friends are miles away and I can only keep in touch through phone and computer I find myself being just as open with people from here and other social networks and that is the beauty of this wonderful invention, and something I am thankful for. Now if only they could come up with a quick travel method that took minutes instead of hours, I would visit my old friends more often and my new ones as well.

With new friends the fear of asking takes on the opposite side of the coin, I don't want to ask them because it is presumptuous to ask something so detailed of someone you have just met. It becomes less of a, am I breaking through a wall asking that, and more of a when would you ask somthing like that situation.

One of my great passions in life is getting to know people of all walks and ways of life, learning as I do. It's one of the things that attracted me to Anthropology, and keeps me knowing I am one even if not actually utilizing my degree at work. It is this getting to know people that fits into my constant need to learn, for I know that if I ever quit striving to lear, about anything, that I will either be on my death bed or in my coffin.

Because of that desire to learn I will strive to ask the questions, and perhaps one day I will learn that what level to ascribe my fear to the questions.

With that said...How are you?
VIEW 25 of 35 COMMENTS
leandra:
Yeah his head IS like an orange! haha. That show is HILARIOUS! the one of him in Mexico is my favourite =)

Oh I was miserable because I was reaaaally cold and tired. That's enough for a girl to sulk!! haha.
Feb 22, 2011
fashionista:
LoL, I know.
Feb 22, 2011

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