Trying to find perspective amidst inner reflections.
A couple of days ago I reached 3 years at my current job, 3 years working for the railroad on all three shifts, moving from one to the other and back around trying to find the right fit for me and all of that.
December 05 I moved back home to finish up my thesis and to figure out my next move, 6 months later my student loans started coming due as I was only enrolled for one credit as that was all I needed while I was writing. Because my loans were coming due I had to find something to do, so a trip to the job service here in town was what I planned, and I got a few applications went to a few interviews and got a little discouraged with the whole thing, then I heard through my dad that the railroad was hiring, so down I went to get on the computer and fill out my app, a few weeks later I went to the group testing interview thing, and found out a week later that I was hired as long as I could pass a strength test and my hair showed no signs of drugs. Needless to say I did just fine and started work about a month later.
It wasn't ever what I envisioned for myself, but itmade sense at the time and made me feel more optimistic about my future and what it could hold. That was three years ago as of the 10th, and now I am starting to wonder how I feel about the whole thing. I had hoped to get a little time under my belt, some money in the bank and then off I would fly back out into the world where I could be happy.
The first roadbump was when I got hurt at work about 8 months after starting, I received a broken leg which required surgery and a rod to be put in my right tibia. That required about 2.5 months rest at home and then a few months of light duty at work before I was back to my full time spot doing what I had been trained to do, dumping shitters, cleaning cabs, and moving power in the year. I recovered and started to think about when I would get out of Glendive and where I could go, but I also knew that a year later I would get the rod take out.
Roadbump two, surgery to remove the rod took place about a year after the original injury, everything went well and after another 2.5 months of rest I had to get back to the full duty job I held. I had planned my surgery so that I would be off the crutches for WEfest last year, that way I wouldn't have to worry about vacation time being spent on such a great thing as that. After spending the 8 days with friends at the WEfest and in Grand Forks I re-thought my academic leanings and how I would go about getting out of Glendive to a happier place.
Roadbump three, the economy, I cannot justify leaving my job right now, not when I don't know when the country is going to recover enough to create more job opportunities in areas where I might want to move. Part of me feels slightly guilty because I have a job that pays well, has good insurance and all of that, and really isn't all that hard to do, and I have no intention of doing the rest of my life, and there are more than likely people out there that would like to do this job until they retire, but at the same time I can't justify leaving this job with the economy the way it is. I simply don't have the "stones" to quit right now and throw myself out there without knowing what I am throwing myself into.
So yeah, I don't know what I think about being a hostler for the last three years, I have an idea of what I want to have in the bank, I have been able to pay off a little over half my student loans, and I have invested a good chunk of money as well. That part I like. I am 30 and not utilyzing my degree, something that I went pretty deep into debt to get, something I am proud of, something I find much more interesting than my current job. That part I don't like. I live in a town of around 6000 pretty friendly people, a town that is easy to get around in, one I have known all my life. That part isn't to bad. I live in a town of 6000 pretty friendly people, a town that has none of the stores I like to go to, no you have to travel for that, a town that has a shitty theater, and I love going to movies, a town whee everyone knows your business for the most part. That part I don't like.
These are the things that go through my head on a semi-regular basis, especially after I go visit my friends over in Grand Forks. When I go visit those people I leave them feeling sad, knowing that I am truly myself when around them, that I truly enjoy my life when I am in their presence. I want to feel like that on a regular basis, but unfortunately I am to comfortable where I am right now, and in turn fear actually throwing myself at life in a way that takes some of this stability away from me.
That is why I start to wonder about being there for three years, and what the future holds for me, whether I am a short term Glendivian, or a long term one, that is what scares me and keeps me wondering about the actions I take.
A couple of days ago I reached 3 years at my current job, 3 years working for the railroad on all three shifts, moving from one to the other and back around trying to find the right fit for me and all of that.
December 05 I moved back home to finish up my thesis and to figure out my next move, 6 months later my student loans started coming due as I was only enrolled for one credit as that was all I needed while I was writing. Because my loans were coming due I had to find something to do, so a trip to the job service here in town was what I planned, and I got a few applications went to a few interviews and got a little discouraged with the whole thing, then I heard through my dad that the railroad was hiring, so down I went to get on the computer and fill out my app, a few weeks later I went to the group testing interview thing, and found out a week later that I was hired as long as I could pass a strength test and my hair showed no signs of drugs. Needless to say I did just fine and started work about a month later.
It wasn't ever what I envisioned for myself, but itmade sense at the time and made me feel more optimistic about my future and what it could hold. That was three years ago as of the 10th, and now I am starting to wonder how I feel about the whole thing. I had hoped to get a little time under my belt, some money in the bank and then off I would fly back out into the world where I could be happy.
The first roadbump was when I got hurt at work about 8 months after starting, I received a broken leg which required surgery and a rod to be put in my right tibia. That required about 2.5 months rest at home and then a few months of light duty at work before I was back to my full time spot doing what I had been trained to do, dumping shitters, cleaning cabs, and moving power in the year. I recovered and started to think about when I would get out of Glendive and where I could go, but I also knew that a year later I would get the rod take out.
Roadbump two, surgery to remove the rod took place about a year after the original injury, everything went well and after another 2.5 months of rest I had to get back to the full duty job I held. I had planned my surgery so that I would be off the crutches for WEfest last year, that way I wouldn't have to worry about vacation time being spent on such a great thing as that. After spending the 8 days with friends at the WEfest and in Grand Forks I re-thought my academic leanings and how I would go about getting out of Glendive to a happier place.
Roadbump three, the economy, I cannot justify leaving my job right now, not when I don't know when the country is going to recover enough to create more job opportunities in areas where I might want to move. Part of me feels slightly guilty because I have a job that pays well, has good insurance and all of that, and really isn't all that hard to do, and I have no intention of doing the rest of my life, and there are more than likely people out there that would like to do this job until they retire, but at the same time I can't justify leaving this job with the economy the way it is. I simply don't have the "stones" to quit right now and throw myself out there without knowing what I am throwing myself into.
So yeah, I don't know what I think about being a hostler for the last three years, I have an idea of what I want to have in the bank, I have been able to pay off a little over half my student loans, and I have invested a good chunk of money as well. That part I like. I am 30 and not utilyzing my degree, something that I went pretty deep into debt to get, something I am proud of, something I find much more interesting than my current job. That part I don't like. I live in a town of around 6000 pretty friendly people, a town that is easy to get around in, one I have known all my life. That part isn't to bad. I live in a town of 6000 pretty friendly people, a town that has none of the stores I like to go to, no you have to travel for that, a town that has a shitty theater, and I love going to movies, a town whee everyone knows your business for the most part. That part I don't like.
These are the things that go through my head on a semi-regular basis, especially after I go visit my friends over in Grand Forks. When I go visit those people I leave them feeling sad, knowing that I am truly myself when around them, that I truly enjoy my life when I am in their presence. I want to feel like that on a regular basis, but unfortunately I am to comfortable where I am right now, and in turn fear actually throwing myself at life in a way that takes some of this stability away from me.
That is why I start to wonder about being there for three years, and what the future holds for me, whether I am a short term Glendivian, or a long term one, that is what scares me and keeps me wondering about the actions I take.
VIEW 10 of 10 COMMENTS
Perhaps there are similar situations you could consider too. What would you regret not having done twenty years from now?
Or you could just toss a coin, as somebody else suggested to me.
Don't worry, it does get better, especially when you are driven. And staying at a job for that long when it doesn't make you happy or fulfilled means you ARE driven to do what is best for your current interests. But you are definitely right, this is not the economy to be quitting your steady job in. Still, be proud of yourself for staying with it. It will look great on your resume when you apply to your next awesome job