The drunken pratlings of an insignificant man:
1) So, I went to see my dad. I tried, I really did try to tell him what's going on. I failed. It stuck in my throat, I clammed up. Surely it's bad enough that I have to deal with being me without having to dump it on someone who really shouldn't have to deal with it. This is an excuse, I know it, but to cope with his dissapointment in me? I can't deal with it. No, not now, not ever. There's so much I wish I could say to him, but I know I'll remain forever silent.
2) Drinking in Torbay was a serious undertaking. I think I may have broken my liver. I even went to a tittie bar, but then again, I realised I'm far too polite to frequent any establishment like that. Maybe it's the heavy weight feminst upbringing my mum gave me. Don't get me wrong, in my mind, I do the most illegal and immoral acts. But, do I act on these thoughts? Do I fuck. What happens when I get served a drink by an amazing looking topless girl? I make sure that I maintain eye contact with her, my gaze will never lower. It's just not.... proper. I think that when I'm confronted with that kind of stuff, I have to prove (to myself mainly) that I'm above that. I'm a better man than those lecherous guys, with their stares and lewd comments. I'll not succumb to the call of the wild. I'll not reinforce the stereotypes people have of my gender. And a fat lot of good it does me.
3) A warning to all of you. Be sure that your sins will find you out. A couple of months ago, just after my gf and I split, I did probably the one thing in my life I truly regret. It was a truly reprehensible thing I did, I knew it at the time, but I still did it. I still can't make peace with it, and every day I beat myself up about it. To be honest, I think I allowed it to happen because being unable to look at myself in the mirror each day helps me to avoid all the things that have built up over the past year. But anyway, I digress. Tonight I had my sins and transgressions thrown in my face, and I have to now look at myself and realise what an asshole I truly am. I'm weak, and I do the most amazingly stupid things to sabotage myself.
I'm sure I'll look at this entry and delete it in the morning. But what can I say? That's the kind of asshole I am.
This week I have been mainly listening to:
Fu Manchu - King of the road.
Fu Manchu - In search of...
Mark Lanegan - scraps at midnight.
I have watched:
The Ladykillers (the original British version)
And trying to read:
Kingdom of fear - Hunter S Thompson (For the SGUK book group)
1) So, I went to see my dad. I tried, I really did try to tell him what's going on. I failed. It stuck in my throat, I clammed up. Surely it's bad enough that I have to deal with being me without having to dump it on someone who really shouldn't have to deal with it. This is an excuse, I know it, but to cope with his dissapointment in me? I can't deal with it. No, not now, not ever. There's so much I wish I could say to him, but I know I'll remain forever silent.
2) Drinking in Torbay was a serious undertaking. I think I may have broken my liver. I even went to a tittie bar, but then again, I realised I'm far too polite to frequent any establishment like that. Maybe it's the heavy weight feminst upbringing my mum gave me. Don't get me wrong, in my mind, I do the most illegal and immoral acts. But, do I act on these thoughts? Do I fuck. What happens when I get served a drink by an amazing looking topless girl? I make sure that I maintain eye contact with her, my gaze will never lower. It's just not.... proper. I think that when I'm confronted with that kind of stuff, I have to prove (to myself mainly) that I'm above that. I'm a better man than those lecherous guys, with their stares and lewd comments. I'll not succumb to the call of the wild. I'll not reinforce the stereotypes people have of my gender. And a fat lot of good it does me.
3) A warning to all of you. Be sure that your sins will find you out. A couple of months ago, just after my gf and I split, I did probably the one thing in my life I truly regret. It was a truly reprehensible thing I did, I knew it at the time, but I still did it. I still can't make peace with it, and every day I beat myself up about it. To be honest, I think I allowed it to happen because being unable to look at myself in the mirror each day helps me to avoid all the things that have built up over the past year. But anyway, I digress. Tonight I had my sins and transgressions thrown in my face, and I have to now look at myself and realise what an asshole I truly am. I'm weak, and I do the most amazingly stupid things to sabotage myself.
I'm sure I'll look at this entry and delete it in the morning. But what can I say? That's the kind of asshole I am.
This week I have been mainly listening to:
Fu Manchu - King of the road.
Fu Manchu - In search of...
Mark Lanegan - scraps at midnight.
I have watched:
The Ladykillers (the original British version)
And trying to read:
Kingdom of fear - Hunter S Thompson (For the SGUK book group)
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
hearts:
*sigh* part of being human... 
perdy:
I'm gonna sleep and then go to salsa class so my little spanish friend can show me up......I love the lovely dancing......I love the lovely sleeping, now I just need to find some boys!