Ah, that whole 'Being smitten' thing has died. Shame. Probably a good thing though, I've just (As of about 30 minutes ago when I read my post) sorted out a major millstone around my neck. That's it, done and dusted. Only took me 2 years to do it too. 
But yes, I can't be doing the whole chasing girls at the moment, I've got some momentum built up now, and if I want to get it sorted out, I need to concentrate on the job at hand. You see, I'm one of those people who will throw themselves into stuff headlong, without any sort of thought about consequences or planning, and I'm worse when it comes to girls. Mainly due to a massively low self opinion, the very act of running around like a blue arsed fly to make someone else happy takes the heat off me thinking about myself and what I need to do in order to make me happy. So it's a good thing. Yes it is. Because I can now concentrate on stuff I need to think about.
I also need to rebuild a few bridges, especially with my oldest friend who I managed to piss off mightily with my flakiness.
So what do I need to do exactly? Job. Job job job. I need a new one, and I don't care what it is. so long as it pays my rent, and pays for me to pursue what I want to do. Which is the next thing, whether or not anything comes of it, it came to me when I got dragged to a panto over Christmas with my family. I was sat there watching it, feeling a bit dumb for not recognising the mass of z list celebrities on stage (Apparently there was some bloke from Emmerdale, and some drag type queen thing from Big Brother, I dunno) but I looked at the costumes they were wearing and couldn't help but think that the costumes I've made in the past are so much better than anything they were wearing. so that's what I intend on doing, making costumes for stage and stuff. I don't quite know how to make a start, so I'm going to start by making a few bits and bobs, probably ebaying them until I'm confident enough to approach some of the local theatres or AmDram groups and offer my services. So long as I can get photos of the kits in use to be able to tout around. Is that a good idea? I reckon so. I'll also take on a few more commissions, so if anyone wants something made (I'm specialising in 17th Century pirate gear at the moment) give me a shout and I'll see what I can do.
I'm glad my social calender seems to be filling up again now, I had a great time meeting some of you guys last year (And damaging both my liver and self esteem in the process
) so the prospect of a few more meets on the horizon fills me with something approaching gladness.
But, also on the horizon, like a brooding black cloud lies the prospect of my birthday, a few short months away. I'm not really the birthday celebrating type, for many varied reasons, and I prefer hiding away and ignoring them or doing something massively low key (Last year I celebrated with a rather lovely girl and two friends) but this is a moderately big one (I'll be 30), and I'd like to actually do something for it. something quite big. Any ideas as to what?
Oh, and someone recommend a book for me to read.
But yes, I can't be doing the whole chasing girls at the moment, I've got some momentum built up now, and if I want to get it sorted out, I need to concentrate on the job at hand. You see, I'm one of those people who will throw themselves into stuff headlong, without any sort of thought about consequences or planning, and I'm worse when it comes to girls. Mainly due to a massively low self opinion, the very act of running around like a blue arsed fly to make someone else happy takes the heat off me thinking about myself and what I need to do in order to make me happy. So it's a good thing. Yes it is. Because I can now concentrate on stuff I need to think about.
I also need to rebuild a few bridges, especially with my oldest friend who I managed to piss off mightily with my flakiness.
So what do I need to do exactly? Job. Job job job. I need a new one, and I don't care what it is. so long as it pays my rent, and pays for me to pursue what I want to do. Which is the next thing, whether or not anything comes of it, it came to me when I got dragged to a panto over Christmas with my family. I was sat there watching it, feeling a bit dumb for not recognising the mass of z list celebrities on stage (Apparently there was some bloke from Emmerdale, and some drag type queen thing from Big Brother, I dunno) but I looked at the costumes they were wearing and couldn't help but think that the costumes I've made in the past are so much better than anything they were wearing. so that's what I intend on doing, making costumes for stage and stuff. I don't quite know how to make a start, so I'm going to start by making a few bits and bobs, probably ebaying them until I'm confident enough to approach some of the local theatres or AmDram groups and offer my services. So long as I can get photos of the kits in use to be able to tout around. Is that a good idea? I reckon so. I'll also take on a few more commissions, so if anyone wants something made (I'm specialising in 17th Century pirate gear at the moment) give me a shout and I'll see what I can do.
I'm glad my social calender seems to be filling up again now, I had a great time meeting some of you guys last year (And damaging both my liver and self esteem in the process
) so the prospect of a few more meets on the horizon fills me with something approaching gladness.
But, also on the horizon, like a brooding black cloud lies the prospect of my birthday, a few short months away. I'm not really the birthday celebrating type, for many varied reasons, and I prefer hiding away and ignoring them or doing something massively low key (Last year I celebrated with a rather lovely girl and two friends) but this is a moderately big one (I'll be 30), and I'd like to actually do something for it. something quite big. Any ideas as to what?
Oh, and someone recommend a book for me to read.
VIEW 25 of 45 COMMENTS
I don't read fiction as much as i used to, but my 2 pence worth would be to mension - not light reading - Thomas Mann's Dr Faustus.
and as for the 30, for me it might aswell have been 27 or 35, really it's all the same (i've always felt out of place and too old); when you're 60 looking in the mirror is the only thing that will tell you you're 60.
Being a blue-arsed fly is never good (i've not read back before this blog entry, so know only that much). it's sad to say, but there's a eastern proverb about a man's horse that runs away, and his neighbours ask him why he hasn't chanced after it; and he calmly answers that if the horse is meant to be his, it'll return. i think that's the way to try and look at things. Go with the flow it all.
Your bolt of inspiration sounds a good one; hope it goes well.
LW