I bailed. I'm just not comfortable enough with myself or the other two guys to make such a drastic change yet. I don't have my life together, and I'm not mature enough to be able to handle all of what was in front of me. I feel I made the right decision, but that doesn't help the feeling that I bitched out.
That's one thing out of the way. Now...as always...I need to get my shit together. My problem is not that I don't know this, or that I don't know what I need to do. It's always a matter of where to begin. Once I find that out, I usually lack motivation...because it seems like such a HUGE undertaking...which it is. But, it's that whole "one step at a time" thing...I just need to keep reminding myself this is all for me, my life, and my happiness. But I don't feel like I'm motivation enough for myself. Is that sad? I really, honestly don't know...
I'm not sad or depressed at all, so no one worry. I have my good days, my bad days, and alot of great days. I just know it's time to grow up and take some action in my own life. Easier said than (then?) done.
I liked looking at those lyrics evertime I logged on...So I'm going to post some more for my own selfish amusement.
Rest assured...
This is sincere.
This is true.
Let this be my writ of misanthropy
To a thankless world of men
Who have perfected nothing.
Save the art of accusation.
~
Woe is he that feels compelled to pen.
Even one word of hatred.
I know the hate within passion
With which I love is a travesty.
Let this writ acknowledge these facts.
~
How I miss the warmth of red blood...
The color of pitch is cold and hard,
And its merciless to the tenderhearted.
How I miss the strength of red blood...
Its susceptibility to burn jet,
And the might to withstand a brutal scorching.
How I have learned to wield this scorched, jet blood
To the gross advantage...
This blood must not go to waste.
All is not yet lost.
Take these words of blood ill-tempered.
Take these words and
Cut deep.
Lacerate the soiled flesh.
Impact the brittle bone.
And we all will bleed together.
May this blood pave the way to solution..
~
We have all been so wrong -
Conditioned to accept and approve of substandard
Communication and behavior.
Reason is clouding,
Hearts are hardening,
And the result is murder.
This age is grave bound,
Likewise its aging successors.
Aging, all the while, descending -
Developing an even more insatiable thirst for chaos.
Life among hyenas and asps under vultures
That pick at the corpses of the fallen.
And man will continue to suffer unto itself
Until some stand to rally the fray by firm example.
Chaos must succumb to order
Lest these days be numbered.
~
I cannot contribute to disarray.
I simply cannot relate.
Let this be my act of defiance.
Let this be my refusal to fit in.
Let this be my writ of misanthropy...
