<Insert the usual "the ideas expressed in the following have no relevance to what the user thinks" from movies>
"Advice For Young Girlfriends"
Q: How do I know if I'm ready for sex?
A: Ask your boyfriend. He'll know when the time is
right. When it comes to love and sex, men are much
more responsible, since they're not as emotionally
confused as women. It's a proven fact.
Q: Should I have sex on the first date?
A: YES. Before if possible.
Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex?
A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. The
important thing to remember is that you must do
whatever he tells you without question. Sometimes,
however, he may ask you to do certain things that may
at first seem strange to you. Do them anyway.
Q: How long should the sex act last?
A: This is a natural & normal part of nature, so don't
feel ashamed or embarrassed. After you've finished
making love, he'll have a natural desire to leave you
suddenly, & go out with his friends to play golf. Or
perhaps another activity, such as going out with his
friends to the bar for the purpose of consuming large
amounts of alcohol & sharing a few personal thoughts
with his buddies. Don't feel left out -- while he's
gone you can busy yourself by doing laundry, cleaning
the apartment, or perhaps even going out to buy him an
expensive gift. He'll come back when he's ready.
Q: What is "afterplay"?
A: After a man has finished making love, he needs to
replenish his manly energy. "Afterplay" is simply a
list of important activities for you to do after
lovemaking. This includes lighting his cigarette,
making him a sandwich or pizza, bringing him a few
beers, or leaving him alone to sleep while you go out
and buy him an expensive gift.
Q: Does the size of the penis matter?
A: Yes. Although many women believe that quality, not
quantity, is important, studies show this is simply
not true. The average erect male penis measures about
three inches. Anything longer than that is extremely
rare and if by some chance your lover's sexual organ
is 4 inches or over, you should go down on your knees
and thank your lucky stars and do everything possible
to please him, such as doing his laundry, cleaning his
apartment and/or buying him an expensive gift.
Q: What about the female orgasm?
A: What about it? There's no such thing. It's a myth.
"Advice For Young Girlfriends"
Q: How do I know if I'm ready for sex?
A: Ask your boyfriend. He'll know when the time is
right. When it comes to love and sex, men are much
more responsible, since they're not as emotionally
confused as women. It's a proven fact.
Q: Should I have sex on the first date?
A: YES. Before if possible.
Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex?
A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. The
important thing to remember is that you must do
whatever he tells you without question. Sometimes,
however, he may ask you to do certain things that may
at first seem strange to you. Do them anyway.
Q: How long should the sex act last?
A: This is a natural & normal part of nature, so don't
feel ashamed or embarrassed. After you've finished
making love, he'll have a natural desire to leave you
suddenly, & go out with his friends to play golf. Or
perhaps another activity, such as going out with his
friends to the bar for the purpose of consuming large
amounts of alcohol & sharing a few personal thoughts
with his buddies. Don't feel left out -- while he's
gone you can busy yourself by doing laundry, cleaning
the apartment, or perhaps even going out to buy him an
expensive gift. He'll come back when he's ready.
Q: What is "afterplay"?
A: After a man has finished making love, he needs to
replenish his manly energy. "Afterplay" is simply a
list of important activities for you to do after
lovemaking. This includes lighting his cigarette,
making him a sandwich or pizza, bringing him a few
beers, or leaving him alone to sleep while you go out
and buy him an expensive gift.
Q: Does the size of the penis matter?
A: Yes. Although many women believe that quality, not
quantity, is important, studies show this is simply
not true. The average erect male penis measures about
three inches. Anything longer than that is extremely
rare and if by some chance your lover's sexual organ
is 4 inches or over, you should go down on your knees
and thank your lucky stars and do everything possible
to please him, such as doing his laundry, cleaning his
apartment and/or buying him an expensive gift.
Q: What about the female orgasm?
A: What about it? There's no such thing. It's a myth.
That my friend is Wesley Willis.