Quite an adventure today. I shall try to tell it as the whimsical fairy tale that it should be.
It all started out like a regular Sunday morning, a lowly pauper rises from his nest with the scent of merriment and second hand cigarettes from the drunken night before. Stumbling about he tries to remember what it was that he had planned for the day. He checks his cellular communication device only to find that he had been dumped by a damsel whom which he never courted, via text message. Peculiar.
Our hero begins his daily cleansing ritual with a rousing shower, surely it will come to him. The water runs hot as if it were pumped from the very bowels of hell....
Fuck it, I have no more desire to type in such a fashion.
Anyway...
I remembered down the line that I needed a new pair of shoes, something casual, fashionable, something... that would allow me to walk across a dampened parking lot without having water rush through the hole in the bottom of my shoe.
I went out to the mall, normally a place I dare not go unless it was necessity. These were indeed desperate times. I figure since the last time I picked up a pair of shoes it was at Pac-Sun; so why not make this a speedy "in and out" trip and I'll just start there. I enter the store and the greeters can tell that by the look of determination I wear on my face that I am ready for a financial transaction. I make my way toward the back of the store past the teens consulting each other over which is more fashionable, plaid or polo? I scoff at the clearance rack that is only a simple obstacle riddled with bargain hunting mothers. Politely I excuse myself as I slip by, this will be easy "in and out". I arrive at my destination prepared to be awed by the plethora of foot wear that would be available to be, however; I was to arrive at disappointment. Perhaps I had over shot my course. Maybe the shoe section had been moved to another locale in the store. This was impossible for me to fathom, "Where the fuck are the shoes?" Sensing my desperation an employee came to my aide. It was explained to me that this particular franchise no longer carried shoes. The employee directed my attention to the used to be shoe area and said that at this point in time they are only selling sandals and flip-flops. Aghast, I fled from the store. Calm down, this is not the end of the world, a minor set-back at best. It was time to venture to another store.
Journeys, a store for shoes, BRILLIANT! I will venture to Journeys a procure a pair of shoes and then I will be gone of this mad place. Immediately after walking in I see it, that is the shoe I want. Simple, black and possibly comfortable; this is the shoe I want. Display shoe in hand I approach the cashier. The cashier was sitting on the register counter feet dangling above the floor. Albeit not my intention to overhear the conversation, she was talking to a friend over the phone about the party she had attended the night before. I don't mind a casual attitude in a retail environment so long as the customer is served. I approached the girl with shoe in hand and asked if she could get me a size 10.5. Her expression changed from a casual upbeat mood to one that simply said 'How dare you interrupt me on the phone'. Shoe in hand, being as patient as I can be I stood there and waited for service. The cashier puts her hand over the receiver and tells me, "I'm real busy right now, I'll be over to help you in a minute." Fuck that, I thought to myself. My patience had fled, "It's real nice that you had a great time last night and I'm sorry you had to leave early for work today especially since John was so into you. All I want is a pair of shoes, you don't even have to hang up the phone just go to the back and get me this," I present the shoe "in a size 10.5." Obviously not taking me seriously she said, "This is very important, I'll get to you in a minute." It was at that point that I dropped the shoe in the middle of the floor and walked out. As I was making my exit I heard the cashier call for me from the counter top asking me to return the shoe to it's display. I responded to the effect that 'You're at work, do your own damn job.' It became clear to me that I might have to leave the mall to complete my quest.
Whilst leaving the dread structure "mall." I remembered overhearing something about a shoe sale at Khols. Khols! That's in the parking lot to the mall. Anchors aweigh! I was off my 'Shoenicorn' was within my grasp. I enter the store and now my determination is fueled by rage, the store greeters allow me silent passage. I arrive at the shoe department and there it was a simple black pair of unassuming shoes. Beautiful in its simplicity I knew that this was the pair I would claim as my own on this day. Rummaging through the boxes below the display searching for the proper size I come up empty handed. Perhaps a sales associate could assist me by checking the back room for the correct size shoe. Like a periscope, I pop my head up above the shoe displays to find a clerk to assist me. The shoe section was baron of life besides my own. I decided that maybe the associate was already in the back. I head over to customer service and ask if they could assist me in the absence of the 'shoe person'. The customer service representative was of little use to me. She explained that I would have to be assisted my the shoe associate. I explained that there was no visible associate and that I needed the representative to assist me in either:
a. Finding the shoe associate
b. Getting me the god damned pair of shoes
I was reassured that the shoe associate would help me with any trouble I might have. My frustration was growing and it dawned on me that perhaps this store is tapped of any useful people. I'll head to a different Khols.
I arrive at the Khols that was closer to my home, surely this will be the end of my search. I was a little more at ease here, I had purchased shoes from this particular vendor before and there were no memories of a hassle before. I find a pair of shoes that I like and as before I search the boxes; once again I arise with nothing. Fuck. I look for the shoe associate here and again, nothing. I go to customer service almost praying that this time the service rep will be of some kind of good use. I ask her if there is anyone working at shoes. The rep looks at her computer screen and answers "Yes, I can page her for you if you would like to go back to where you need assistance." With great thanks I return to the shoe. Moments pass and coming from the back room is my shoe savior! I show her the shoe and box number and request my size. As quickly as she had appeared she was gone, finally my quest would soon be complete. A few minutes had passed and I see her coming from the warehouse. As the shoe associate comes closer, she rounds the corner and I see that her hands are empty. The associate stops half way between the warehouse and myself and tells me that the shoe I requested is out of stock and only the display pair is left. I thanked her for her assistance and left.
Drenched it what could only be defeat I went home. My long harrowing journey for shoes had placed me back where I had started. I had failed, I was hoping to go to work the next day with a nice new pair of shoes but that was a fool's dream. There was only one thing left to do. I went to www.adidas.com and purchased a pair online. The adventure was over, the only thing left to do is to share my story.
Children, don't make my mistake. Borrow your parents credit cards (or don't be a bum and use your own) and just buy your shit online, there is no social interaction and it almost feels like Christmas when you come home after a bad day and there is a box of new junk at your house.
It all started out like a regular Sunday morning, a lowly pauper rises from his nest with the scent of merriment and second hand cigarettes from the drunken night before. Stumbling about he tries to remember what it was that he had planned for the day. He checks his cellular communication device only to find that he had been dumped by a damsel whom which he never courted, via text message. Peculiar.
Our hero begins his daily cleansing ritual with a rousing shower, surely it will come to him. The water runs hot as if it were pumped from the very bowels of hell....
Fuck it, I have no more desire to type in such a fashion.
Anyway...
I remembered down the line that I needed a new pair of shoes, something casual, fashionable, something... that would allow me to walk across a dampened parking lot without having water rush through the hole in the bottom of my shoe.
I went out to the mall, normally a place I dare not go unless it was necessity. These were indeed desperate times. I figure since the last time I picked up a pair of shoes it was at Pac-Sun; so why not make this a speedy "in and out" trip and I'll just start there. I enter the store and the greeters can tell that by the look of determination I wear on my face that I am ready for a financial transaction. I make my way toward the back of the store past the teens consulting each other over which is more fashionable, plaid or polo? I scoff at the clearance rack that is only a simple obstacle riddled with bargain hunting mothers. Politely I excuse myself as I slip by, this will be easy "in and out". I arrive at my destination prepared to be awed by the plethora of foot wear that would be available to be, however; I was to arrive at disappointment. Perhaps I had over shot my course. Maybe the shoe section had been moved to another locale in the store. This was impossible for me to fathom, "Where the fuck are the shoes?" Sensing my desperation an employee came to my aide. It was explained to me that this particular franchise no longer carried shoes. The employee directed my attention to the used to be shoe area and said that at this point in time they are only selling sandals and flip-flops. Aghast, I fled from the store. Calm down, this is not the end of the world, a minor set-back at best. It was time to venture to another store.
Journeys, a store for shoes, BRILLIANT! I will venture to Journeys a procure a pair of shoes and then I will be gone of this mad place. Immediately after walking in I see it, that is the shoe I want. Simple, black and possibly comfortable; this is the shoe I want. Display shoe in hand I approach the cashier. The cashier was sitting on the register counter feet dangling above the floor. Albeit not my intention to overhear the conversation, she was talking to a friend over the phone about the party she had attended the night before. I don't mind a casual attitude in a retail environment so long as the customer is served. I approached the girl with shoe in hand and asked if she could get me a size 10.5. Her expression changed from a casual upbeat mood to one that simply said 'How dare you interrupt me on the phone'. Shoe in hand, being as patient as I can be I stood there and waited for service. The cashier puts her hand over the receiver and tells me, "I'm real busy right now, I'll be over to help you in a minute." Fuck that, I thought to myself. My patience had fled, "It's real nice that you had a great time last night and I'm sorry you had to leave early for work today especially since John was so into you. All I want is a pair of shoes, you don't even have to hang up the phone just go to the back and get me this," I present the shoe "in a size 10.5." Obviously not taking me seriously she said, "This is very important, I'll get to you in a minute." It was at that point that I dropped the shoe in the middle of the floor and walked out. As I was making my exit I heard the cashier call for me from the counter top asking me to return the shoe to it's display. I responded to the effect that 'You're at work, do your own damn job.' It became clear to me that I might have to leave the mall to complete my quest.
Whilst leaving the dread structure "mall." I remembered overhearing something about a shoe sale at Khols. Khols! That's in the parking lot to the mall. Anchors aweigh! I was off my 'Shoenicorn' was within my grasp. I enter the store and now my determination is fueled by rage, the store greeters allow me silent passage. I arrive at the shoe department and there it was a simple black pair of unassuming shoes. Beautiful in its simplicity I knew that this was the pair I would claim as my own on this day. Rummaging through the boxes below the display searching for the proper size I come up empty handed. Perhaps a sales associate could assist me by checking the back room for the correct size shoe. Like a periscope, I pop my head up above the shoe displays to find a clerk to assist me. The shoe section was baron of life besides my own. I decided that maybe the associate was already in the back. I head over to customer service and ask if they could assist me in the absence of the 'shoe person'. The customer service representative was of little use to me. She explained that I would have to be assisted my the shoe associate. I explained that there was no visible associate and that I needed the representative to assist me in either:
a. Finding the shoe associate
b. Getting me the god damned pair of shoes
I was reassured that the shoe associate would help me with any trouble I might have. My frustration was growing and it dawned on me that perhaps this store is tapped of any useful people. I'll head to a different Khols.
I arrive at the Khols that was closer to my home, surely this will be the end of my search. I was a little more at ease here, I had purchased shoes from this particular vendor before and there were no memories of a hassle before. I find a pair of shoes that I like and as before I search the boxes; once again I arise with nothing. Fuck. I look for the shoe associate here and again, nothing. I go to customer service almost praying that this time the service rep will be of some kind of good use. I ask her if there is anyone working at shoes. The rep looks at her computer screen and answers "Yes, I can page her for you if you would like to go back to where you need assistance." With great thanks I return to the shoe. Moments pass and coming from the back room is my shoe savior! I show her the shoe and box number and request my size. As quickly as she had appeared she was gone, finally my quest would soon be complete. A few minutes had passed and I see her coming from the warehouse. As the shoe associate comes closer, she rounds the corner and I see that her hands are empty. The associate stops half way between the warehouse and myself and tells me that the shoe I requested is out of stock and only the display pair is left. I thanked her for her assistance and left.
Drenched it what could only be defeat I went home. My long harrowing journey for shoes had placed me back where I had started. I had failed, I was hoping to go to work the next day with a nice new pair of shoes but that was a fool's dream. There was only one thing left to do. I went to www.adidas.com and purchased a pair online. The adventure was over, the only thing left to do is to share my story.
Children, don't make my mistake. Borrow your parents credit cards (or don't be a bum and use your own) and just buy your shit online, there is no social interaction and it almost feels like Christmas when you come home after a bad day and there is a box of new junk at your house.