Dum de dum...
I'm sure I can't have cooked that chicken properly last night. I've mentioned I'm bulimic, right? So it's really weird to wake up puking and not be able to control my stomach muscles. Since I was half-asleep, for some reason I decided to puke in a carrier bag, tie the top together and throw it out the window, mm, sensible. I best go fetch it before anybody else finds it in the front yard.
It's just illness after illness in this house.
Mike (my ex, and meant to be my friend now) has been coughing his guts up for a week now, poor fucker. He's also not talking to me, for reasons I'm not totally sure of but I can't say as I particularly care, he creeps me out anyhow. He can't get the balance right between being all sucky and telling me I'm great when I'm down, and deciding he hates me because I'm not paying him enough attention when he'sdepressed.
I'm not being bitchy, alright, I'm just getting a little bit sick of this. When I'm a bit mardy he'll say 'Oh, come here' and give me hugs and tell me all this positive shit. Except that I can see straight through a lot of the positive shit, it sounds like lies to me, so I don't trust him and I can't stand all the hugging shit, from someone I saw as a true friend with no threats to me it would be fine, but from someone I used to have sex with, who likes to hold me from behind and put his hand on my bare stomach because it's what he used to do with his ex (now dead) when she was pregnant, and says it's not a sexual thing when he's breathing in my ear like he used to do before sex....Ughhhh, I'm sorry to go on about this but it just feels like being molested.
I think he's pissed off at me for not giving him more attention while he's been sick. OK, so I've bought him two lots of medicine, and I made him come out with me on Wednesday, and it's not my fuckin fault that it was a shit night out, but he still tried to make out that it was. And I hate all this 'baby me, I'm just a little kid!' stuff while he's been ill, alright if you're genuinely cute when you're poorly or just anyway then you're cute and aww bless, but deliberately doing big goo-goo eyes and talking baby talk, when you're a boy, and not even a boyfriend, is just fucking pathetic! Aughhhhh....
So I'm his friend, and I want what's best for him, but that's not what he wants, he just wants to wallow in it and use me as a girlfriend substitute, and I can't be doing with it, he makes me feel uncomfortable and it really won't help him in the long run. I hope he carries on not talking to me because it'll be much easier
In other news, my ex James sent me a text for Hallowe'en which made me sad al over again, we always did pumpkins and went to see a horror film together on October 31st, and I miss him. It's getting to my birthday, and last year he took me to New York and proposed to me, so this year's gonna be a bit of a downer since I won't even be seeing my mum cos I'll be working then doing a course on psychosis the next day. So I'm feeling a bit fucked over. It's worse about James too, because it was me who couldn't do it, and he was always willing to bend over backwards for me, but I still wasn't happy with him...
it makes me feel like such a bitch, and like I didn't try hard enough, and I'm fucking defected and incapable of maintaining a normal relationship....
So this SG night out will be my main birthday outing, which is quite cool, since I'm never arsed to do anything for my birthday, and it'll take my mind off last year cos it's something different innit
Sorry to make you read all that depressing shit, me and the puppy are going out now to chase squirrels 
I'm sure I can't have cooked that chicken properly last night. I've mentioned I'm bulimic, right? So it's really weird to wake up puking and not be able to control my stomach muscles. Since I was half-asleep, for some reason I decided to puke in a carrier bag, tie the top together and throw it out the window, mm, sensible. I best go fetch it before anybody else finds it in the front yard.
It's just illness after illness in this house.
Mike (my ex, and meant to be my friend now) has been coughing his guts up for a week now, poor fucker. He's also not talking to me, for reasons I'm not totally sure of but I can't say as I particularly care, he creeps me out anyhow. He can't get the balance right between being all sucky and telling me I'm great when I'm down, and deciding he hates me because I'm not paying him enough attention when he'sdepressed.
I'm not being bitchy, alright, I'm just getting a little bit sick of this. When I'm a bit mardy he'll say 'Oh, come here' and give me hugs and tell me all this positive shit. Except that I can see straight through a lot of the positive shit, it sounds like lies to me, so I don't trust him and I can't stand all the hugging shit, from someone I saw as a true friend with no threats to me it would be fine, but from someone I used to have sex with, who likes to hold me from behind and put his hand on my bare stomach because it's what he used to do with his ex (now dead) when she was pregnant, and says it's not a sexual thing when he's breathing in my ear like he used to do before sex....Ughhhh, I'm sorry to go on about this but it just feels like being molested.
I think he's pissed off at me for not giving him more attention while he's been sick. OK, so I've bought him two lots of medicine, and I made him come out with me on Wednesday, and it's not my fuckin fault that it was a shit night out, but he still tried to make out that it was. And I hate all this 'baby me, I'm just a little kid!' stuff while he's been ill, alright if you're genuinely cute when you're poorly or just anyway then you're cute and aww bless, but deliberately doing big goo-goo eyes and talking baby talk, when you're a boy, and not even a boyfriend, is just fucking pathetic! Aughhhhh....
So I'm his friend, and I want what's best for him, but that's not what he wants, he just wants to wallow in it and use me as a girlfriend substitute, and I can't be doing with it, he makes me feel uncomfortable and it really won't help him in the long run. I hope he carries on not talking to me because it'll be much easier
In other news, my ex James sent me a text for Hallowe'en which made me sad al over again, we always did pumpkins and went to see a horror film together on October 31st, and I miss him. It's getting to my birthday, and last year he took me to New York and proposed to me, so this year's gonna be a bit of a downer since I won't even be seeing my mum cos I'll be working then doing a course on psychosis the next day. So I'm feeling a bit fucked over. It's worse about James too, because it was me who couldn't do it, and he was always willing to bend over backwards for me, but I still wasn't happy with him...
it makes me feel like such a bitch, and like I didn't try hard enough, and I'm fucking defected and incapable of maintaining a normal relationship....
So this SG night out will be my main birthday outing, which is quite cool, since I'm never arsed to do anything for my birthday, and it'll take my mind off last year cos it's something different innit
Sorry to make you read all that depressing shit, me and the puppy are going out now to chase squirrels VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
i hate these games people play, thats why i say things like it is, sure i finish last, but i finish laughing... Brewhahahaha!!!!
i swear i'm not crazy...
laters....
ooh, did you do that zombie night?
I'm based in London. Sunny London. Can't you tell from my accent? Gawd bleedin' blimey guvnor, have a cup of rosey lee etc.
Tried to join that SGUK thing, but it told me that i was already a member. It won't let me access any of the conversations, so i'm guessing it's a script error or something else sent to test my patience, like measles or stress induced blindness. I think i have to be invited, but since no-one knows i'm here...
Sounds like you're having a rough time of things. Well done though; You sound like you're getting through it ok. Sometimes you just gotta write all that stuff down so that people can read it...even if it's strangers or just yourself.
Woa. I'm going all gandalf again. Must be the elf eyes i have. In a jar. They sing to me sometimes....
Seizure later!
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