Sunday Sep 07, 2003

0
Uh-oh, here we go.
I've been bulimic since I was 15, and for the last two years I've had sporadic bouts of depression where I work myself up into a worse and worse state of mind. I'm seeing a psychologist about this, she told me to see about anti-depressants, I haven't been yet because for three weeks or so I've been brilliant at controlling it, not letting myself be sick or tell myself I'm shit, all that.
This morning I looked like shit and I flicked through some pics of me and my ex (who I thought was 'the one'), and BAM, straight down, even though I know it's stupid, started picking at my looks, popularity, general demeanour and personality, in a totally negative, nasty, 'kill yourself' kind of way.
I had a lil sleep and feel a bit better but shit, that worried me, getting out of control like that.
Sorry to be all maungy but I thought I'd use my journal as a proper diary today since I don't have one cos I always destroy it when I'm in a hate-myself mood.
Goddamn it. I've been so good. Sometimes stuff just seems so pointless though.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
poprock:
One thing everybody needs to remember sometimes is that bieng depressed doesn't make a person a freak, or a charity case. It's just the way they're feeling. Maybe it doesn't always need to be 'cured', sometimes it's there for a damn good reason, and feeling down (really down) for a while is a positive thing in the long run. Gotta feel the lows to appreciate the highs, all that jazz.

I'd give you hug if I could, not because it'd help, but because hugs are nice no matter how shitty you feel.

I hardly know you, and I like you already, so there's something good going on somewhere, for what that's worth.
keith:
Yikes. It's really cruel how sometimes the only thing we can't control is our brain. frown I've struggled with it too. Anti-deps really helped me once upon a time.

re: Prince of Persia. You want the PC, Sega, or Super Nintendo version? biggrin

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