thatzac

girl trouble, i suppose.
not trouble so much as a lack thereof,
or not quite.

this is where easy words should come easily unbidden.

i am one of two things;
i am, for those who find it necessary
the one that works right then and there
the one that will make this night what it needs to be worth
and i, of course am "all for it"
as some might say.

i can be, quite, easily, in a chameleon sense, all that one needs to look for
for an evening one might deem worthwhile.

i am also, for those who need a slower thought, an easier transition

for those that need to gather thoughts and form opinions (or excuses, we all judge)
a good and worthy answer for affectation, or affection, we all judge.

this is my my conundrum all my girl and boy pretties, this is where i lose my place as being an answer and have to question:

i am both these things.

(now, some may say no question is present. i say you are mistaken).

those of class one (1), have fallen aside. i appreciate them when they appear, for we both cherish the unthinking and visceral experience.
those of class two (2), however, those that i value more all live thousands of leagues away from my right now.

to remove myself from the prose,

what the fuck? i'm sick of hook ups. i'm fucking sick of it. i've fucked enough women who wanted me to fuck them and then disappear. all the ones that matter to me, all the ones that care for a "me" and not a "him" all live forever and a day away.
i hate this shit. it makes me insane.

also:
i am living in the past on an almost constant basis. it's terrible.
this weekend was great though. adrienne came to visit. ah, blast from the past.
i miss sharing a bed with someone. i took 2 days off from work so i could get drunk at night and talk to myself while watching movies and then sleep late and dream that i was sleeping next to someone that gave a fuck.
ah, hopeless romantics unite, and then fall down crying, realizing how hilarious we are.

xoxo
reprazent.