thatwhichisnot

Another day of nothing much to say. I lived on beer and waffle fries today, and look something like the ultimate form of bachelor degeneration. I did clean house a bit today while feeling determined to carify my existence, to make a little space within which to do something. I need to forsake my easy comforts, my pacifiers. I seem to be running from something I don't want to face up to. I'm not even sure what it is, and trying to understand brings out very physical, visceral reactions. I wonder sometimes why I feel down so often when it's so easy to make me happy. I become happy and downright glowing for hours on end at the drop of a hat. An unusually beautiful woman (she reminded me of somebody I used to hang out with sometimes) smiled at me at the gas station today and it perked me up for hours. The same thing happened when an old lady at the grocery store asked me if I wouldn't mind getting something from the top shelf for her. I felt incredible simply because of the opportunity to do a small courtesy for a stranger. It lasted all day. Am I really so alienated?