more jack handy quotes, because hah.
Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see.
I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes, I bet you can really see it in those genitals.
Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up.
I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?" "Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times." It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on.
p.s. I'll stop the quote thing now.
--added as per vutek
If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.
Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see.
I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes, I bet you can really see it in those genitals.
Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up.
I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?" "Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times." It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on.
p.s. I'll stop the quote thing now.
--added as per vutek
If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.
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If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava just forget them, because man, they're gone.
Boxing is a lot like ballet... except there is no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other.
I want to die quietly in my sleep like my grandfater... not screaming in terror like the passengers of his car.
When I don't like someone I sometimes like to get a pumpkin and stick a knife in it with a note saying "You" and leave it on their porch. Then I feel better, and hey, no harm done.
and my favourite long one...
Children have a great sense of humour. Once I told my nephew that I was taking him to Disneyland but instead I took him to a burned out warehouse and told him "Oh no! Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but deep down I know he thought it was a really good joke.