Got a few things on my mind and I'll say'em when I am ready, I also learned that if I make 3-4 sales I will start bringing in about a grand a week..... but for now I'm bored so Imma post something I wrote last year.
THINGS ALL WOMEN NEED TO KNOW!!!
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. We're thinking about you making out with Carmen Electra, naked, in a bathtub full of jello. Deal with it.
2.Sunday sports. Listen, whoever tells you that trying to pick up and take home the oldest broad at Church isn't a sport is lying through their teeth. Maturity is sexy.
3. Shopping is NOT a sport. Unless it's that "Supermarket Sweep" show that ran for a few years on that one channel that only ran "Supermarket Sweep." Those big turkeys were worth SO much.
4. Lopping off a man's penis in the middle of the night and keeping it on ice until he fixes that annoying drip in the bathroom sink is blackmail.
5. Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one, ladies: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! If you want to prance around the kitchen dressed up like a little school girl and make me a sandwich, just do it for Christ's sake!
6. We don't remember dates. If I can't remember that 3 week crack binge I went on with Courtney Love last April, how in the hell am I supposed to remember when your birthday is? Seriously.
7. Ladies, don't bother asking us if those shoes look good with that dress because we're too busy staring at your tits.
8.Yes, no, and shut your fucking hole are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
9. Go to guys with a problem only if you want help solving itwith oral sex.
10. If you don't know how to check your oil and gas, you're an idiot.
11. Anything a guy said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. Chances are he figured you'd have caught him sleeping with your best friend by now and he wouldn't have to be dealing with your shit any longer.
12. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. And if that involves getting ribs removed, so be it. Because you're flexible, but you ain't THAT flexible.
13. Whenever possible, please administer oral sex during commercials.
14. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months you were going out. And you know why? It's because I heard you fart in your sleep. That's right, I was awake.
15. All men see in 800x600, like Windows default resolution, because it makes those girl on girl mpegs we downloaded look hella sweet.
16. If it itches, it's probably genital warts.
17. If we ask what is wrong and you say "Nothing," we'll get suspicious and hire that private detective from that show "Cheaters" in an attempt to humiliate you on national television.
18. You have enough clothes and too many shoes. And that's why I'm looking into getting a mail order bride from Yogoslavia. You gotta share that shit with someone, because I look terrifying in a dress.
THINGS ALL WOMEN NEED TO KNOW!!!
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. We're thinking about you making out with Carmen Electra, naked, in a bathtub full of jello. Deal with it.
2.Sunday sports. Listen, whoever tells you that trying to pick up and take home the oldest broad at Church isn't a sport is lying through their teeth. Maturity is sexy.
3. Shopping is NOT a sport. Unless it's that "Supermarket Sweep" show that ran for a few years on that one channel that only ran "Supermarket Sweep." Those big turkeys were worth SO much.
4. Lopping off a man's penis in the middle of the night and keeping it on ice until he fixes that annoying drip in the bathroom sink is blackmail.
5. Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one, ladies: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! If you want to prance around the kitchen dressed up like a little school girl and make me a sandwich, just do it for Christ's sake!
6. We don't remember dates. If I can't remember that 3 week crack binge I went on with Courtney Love last April, how in the hell am I supposed to remember when your birthday is? Seriously.
7. Ladies, don't bother asking us if those shoes look good with that dress because we're too busy staring at your tits.
8.Yes, no, and shut your fucking hole are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
9. Go to guys with a problem only if you want help solving itwith oral sex.
10. If you don't know how to check your oil and gas, you're an idiot.
11. Anything a guy said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. Chances are he figured you'd have caught him sleeping with your best friend by now and he wouldn't have to be dealing with your shit any longer.
12. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. And if that involves getting ribs removed, so be it. Because you're flexible, but you ain't THAT flexible.
13. Whenever possible, please administer oral sex during commercials.
14. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months you were going out. And you know why? It's because I heard you fart in your sleep. That's right, I was awake.
15. All men see in 800x600, like Windows default resolution, because it makes those girl on girl mpegs we downloaded look hella sweet.
16. If it itches, it's probably genital warts.
17. If we ask what is wrong and you say "Nothing," we'll get suspicious and hire that private detective from that show "Cheaters" in an attempt to humiliate you on national television.
18. You have enough clothes and too many shoes. And that's why I'm looking into getting a mail order bride from Yogoslavia. You gotta share that shit with someone, because I look terrifying in a dress.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
WT to the F....