thafckisup

anywayi want to get something off my chest. i hope many of you read this and tell me something. I honestly dont think relationships will work for me anymore. Maybe its because I have had my heart crushed intentionally and unintentionally too many times. This has been on my mind since december 12th(random date huh?!). Its hard for me to understand really. When you think you do everything right and yet you suffer in the long run. Ive gone so far as to say i dont even need sex really. I have myself, my right hand does pretty well(along with the 22gbs of porno on this cpu). I dont really know where to go with this whole situation. I want to get married and have a family. I dont want to just settle for anyone. And the one or ones I may want, more than likely wont ever happen. So what do I do. I think I am truely afraid to even try to start something new with someone else because of fear of hurt. I feel that i am getting way to old and that I should be settled down by now. The girl I was with, very sweet she was, but i cant see myself with her for the rest of my life. Id divorce her after like 2 years, seriously. I dont know what else to say. It really irks me because outside of school and work I dont have much of a social life(not coutning the interweb mind you) and once I get my degree I believe my chances will dwindle big time. because all my life will consist of is work and going home. I dont know what else to say, somebody speak to me before i go crazy. for now Im going to watch little shop of horrors.