Im in a really raunchy ass mood today, this is the first time in a LONG time Ive felt like this.. (Ive been known to feel like this from time to time, but Ive done my best to not retire to the shitty ass attitude everyone hates about me )

First and for most, one of the most beautiful people in my life is moving today! FAR away her and I have been kind of distant these past few months and I really wish we hadnt of been.. Cause now shes leaving I could never describe how much I love this girl with out sounding like a fucking dyke.. I enjoy her face her smile her quirky since of life more then I probably should thats probably why I kept so distant gawd it feels like shes dieing or something. sometimes where closer then were actually far away from each other though if you know what I mean.. we could always reach on that certain level the one where just knowing she exists makes me happy anyways, far well my sweet tatter tot I wish you all the luck on your adventure out and about this fine world Ill write you letters, email, (basically continue our round about of friendship) and I plan on visiting sooner or later.. I love you

My friend Angie called me last night,, I didnt answer.. I wanted to though I miss her.
I never thought it would be this hard trying to reach someone whos so close to my heart..
Ill never do drugs again I watched them nearly kill my mother and my baby sister. And now one of my best friends gawd and theres sooo much more to that

And last but not least, the only person I still consider my friend is avoiding me I see it this way, everyone is on a level, and her and I on completely different levels. It happens yet it seems like Im the only one who gets mad about it.. I guess having a brand new car and filling in the gaps with people who couldnt give 2 shits about you is a better life Ive probably done the same though.

Mostly I just want someone to listen to me talk.. Braiden can only take so much of my hypocritical one sided convocations I dont blame him.. He still lingers on my last and every word, even if he shouldnt care. thats really all I need.. Is someone to understand me and he does

I tend to get insanely crazy angry before I get incredibly depressed and helpless hah a virtue my mother in bounded me with

Speaking of which Im going to see her today, along with my adoring baby sister,,,

It hurts watching my life all over again threw my sister. Its worse for her.. But in the end shell be stronger then me if shes not completely disturbed..

Why am I always on such a personal level? Why do I put my whole life on display for others to ridicule and judge.. I never could help that.. Im too sensitive, to weak and closed minded to get over things to a certain extent.. Cause as you all no Im so close to being emotionally numb.. HAH again, a trait/virtue I get from my father..

Gawd my parents are lovely aside all the blah blah nonsense

Back to the point, I honestly dont see my self as weak and as helpless as Im making my self look..
I do however think I feel when others dont,,,, about certain things weve all felt like that havent we?

As blankly as that is,,, now that Ive come to terms with my little life once again,, my rank is now over..

Note to self: me and the rest of the world are a lot alike so lets put all our problems in a bucket eat it with a fucking spoon.. (gee Im clever)