Jesus, I feel like shit.
Somebody I care a lot about hurt me in a way I haven't been hurt in a while.
Problem is that I responded by telling her I didn't want to see her anymore. It felt like the right thing to do before I walked in to talk to her, to protect myself and to salvage what little is left of my self-respect after so many other painful things that have happened to me over the last few years. But when you're face to face with somebody you adore and you have to sever that connection . . . I don't know if I'll ever be able to sleep again. And I know she's got a lot of issues right now . . . I feel like I'm abandoning her in a time of need, regardless of the horrible things I feel she did.
I hope I did the right thing. I really don't know . . . this is the first time I've had the gumption to stand up for myself in a situation like this. So often, I feel like I'm the doormat for everybody to walk on. And I hate being that person, but I never wanted to hurt anybody. Not even if they hurt me first. I'm not a vengeful person. I hate this.
I don't do this to people. This isn't me. I wish I could have found a more productive way of dealing with this.
The saving grace is that she's probably better off. My confidence in my ability to maintain a healthy relationship is about zero right now--I doubt I could have made her happy.
Somebody I care a lot about hurt me in a way I haven't been hurt in a while.
Problem is that I responded by telling her I didn't want to see her anymore. It felt like the right thing to do before I walked in to talk to her, to protect myself and to salvage what little is left of my self-respect after so many other painful things that have happened to me over the last few years. But when you're face to face with somebody you adore and you have to sever that connection . . . I don't know if I'll ever be able to sleep again. And I know she's got a lot of issues right now . . . I feel like I'm abandoning her in a time of need, regardless of the horrible things I feel she did.
I hope I did the right thing. I really don't know . . . this is the first time I've had the gumption to stand up for myself in a situation like this. So often, I feel like I'm the doormat for everybody to walk on. And I hate being that person, but I never wanted to hurt anybody. Not even if they hurt me first. I'm not a vengeful person. I hate this.
I don't do this to people. This isn't me. I wish I could have found a more productive way of dealing with this.
The saving grace is that she's probably better off. My confidence in my ability to maintain a healthy relationship is about zero right now--I doubt I could have made her happy.
__rosemary__:
I'm sure you could maintain a healthy relationship with someone, maybe just not her. You seem like a cool, insightful, deep, sensitive, sweet guy to me. Don't beat yourself up about it.