temptfaith

it hasn't been the best of times. on paper, things have been going well. i haven't had to go to work at all. there is some money in the bank. most of my home projects haven't cost too much money (which is a minor miracle). i've been able to see my lovely wife. i can sleep in.

today my cell rang pretty early. i went downstairs to get it on the off off off chance someone would be calling for work. the missed call was from my dad (ex-step father technically). he pretty much never calls and certainly not before 10am. this could only mean bad news. i tried calling and get a busy signal again and again. finally, i get through and learn that his mother died this morning.

i'm not sure if i am sad because she died or because i could hear how hard my dad was trying to hold it together. he is utterly conflicted about that woman. they basically had a hate-hate relationship for the last decade or so. it's over.

either way... i have just been wandering around the house, taking phone calls, researching crap online, and being a zombie (without the need for brains). the internet is a great substitute for a sedative.

i have about an hour before i need to leave to participate in a focus group which is the only money i will earn this entire week. i have to go, but i... i just don't want to move. i'd like to stay put and wonder why the sky chose to be perfectly grey today.

goodbye.