Am so tired. Again. I thought i was done with the painting, but alas, portions are fucked up and not in a good way. Hung with some old friends last night, met an ex's girlfriend who has "heard so much about me" 
Itsalive was in good form and his damned cat has a death wish! Not joking, went to bed at like 5 a.m. and...
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Itsalive was in good form and his damned cat has a death wish! Not joking, went to bed at like 5 a.m. and...
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VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
Almost finished my painting. Cimmi says it looks Dali-esque. It is funny, but she's right. I guess my faves do have a definite impact on me! Going to L.A. for an evening of debauchery. Should be fun. Going to buy a dress at Betsey Johnson. My closet is overwhelming me with tiredness. Not doing any better on the hormonally insane front, but at least the...
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jimithesaint:
welcome back.
it felt so empty without you xxx
it felt so empty without you xxx
itsalivemedia:
Things not to forget: Vodka and soda, see through shoes, running water, a loud cat, traffic, tea....more too!
Talk soon.
Talk soon.
Ack! My appetite can only be described as voratious. There is something REALLY wrong with me... I thought that taking birth control pills (particularly anti-androgyn) would reduce my libido. It is really not healthy. I am worse than my cat and she was last seen humping the computer monitor. Isn't there something that can be done for this? My head is so muddled and I...
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VIEW 22 of 22 COMMENTS
rubbersoul:
Chill, sweetie. I was only teasing. Just pointing out the very predictable Pavlovian response around here when you dangle your sex drive as bait.
kingskottie:
great pics. great use of bacardi 151!!! boo ya!
So tired. 3 am, just back from quick run to L.A. will post re; drama tomorrow. Thank yu to everyone who helped me. 
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thee_blacklisted:
dunno what the fuck happened but am verrry glad you are still here! a'ight!
Went for lunch with Thorn. He is a very cool guy, a good mixture of smart with funny and understanding thrown in... I wore something he dreamed me in! (?) He wouldn't tell me what the dream was about...
I have a meeting this evening to discuss putting together a gallery exhibit with some cool SB people. Will probably have a dj spin and I...
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I have a meeting this evening to discuss putting together a gallery exhibit with some cool SB people. Will probably have a dj spin and I...
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VIEW 17 of 17 COMMENTS
whip:
I just thought I would mention that in "Your Pics"... image #3 is one of the most erotic images I have ever seen. Really.
itsalivemedia:
Call me crazy...but I think you are back!
every dream I have is about you
every thought I have comes back to you
I am living each day apart from something
that feels like a piece of me
I function though barely
knowing that this piece of me
is so very far away
I am torn
as though drawn and quartered
between my expectations and my needs
my understanding and my desires
I...
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VIEW 10 of 10 COMMENTS
nonservium:
That reminds me of something I wrote years ago during my freshman college drunken depression days. I'll share it here for your amusement:
Torn
That which we cannot see but only feel...
The flames are black...yeilding no warmth nor light;
The tears 'the crimson hue of blood,
Flowing with my pain and my mortality.
A fire within me consumes itself,
And my tears drown me in sorrow.
I am torn between myself...
Arms tearing each other limb from limb.
The hell we make for ourselves is a damnation eternity cannot match, And we seek solace through physical pain, for a moment finding peace from the emotional.
Clawing, scratching, tearing...torn.
My nails against my skin...
My flesh raw against the harsh world...
My soul buried deep within...hidden.
From each wound its cleansing sting...
The pain an all too familiar reminder that I still feel.
I struggle through the darkness to endure this self-made anguish... In the void, to silence the pain would be to silence the heart.
Wounds heal and a dark soul can learn to love again...
...if it ever forgot...
Do I renounce the pain...I am torn.
-me
10/28/1997
Torn
That which we cannot see but only feel...
The flames are black...yeilding no warmth nor light;
The tears 'the crimson hue of blood,
Flowing with my pain and my mortality.
A fire within me consumes itself,
And my tears drown me in sorrow.
I am torn between myself...
Arms tearing each other limb from limb.
The hell we make for ourselves is a damnation eternity cannot match, And we seek solace through physical pain, for a moment finding peace from the emotional.
Clawing, scratching, tearing...torn.
My nails against my skin...
My flesh raw against the harsh world...
My soul buried deep within...hidden.
From each wound its cleansing sting...
The pain an all too familiar reminder that I still feel.
I struggle through the darkness to endure this self-made anguish... In the void, to silence the pain would be to silence the heart.
Wounds heal and a dark soul can learn to love again...
...if it ever forgot...
Do I renounce the pain...I am torn.
-me
10/28/1997
rubbersoul:
It is always about our desires.
A thrist we can never quench.
A thrist we can never quench.
My last entry was borne out of sexual frustration and longing and general irritation (not of the southern region, though i wish it were). I keep bashing my head against the wall trying to assess the situation and why oh why can we never have the ONE thing that we want? For the sake of hot women! Why? I am a good person. I am...
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VIEW 15 of 15 COMMENTS
pucabul:
That's good to hear, I hope your goal wants to achieve you as much you do it (or him, or her, or etc.?). Does your goal know of your goal? In other words have you made it apparent in coolish way that makes a goal want you back, rather freaking them out? (Not that I'm suggesting you'd freak any goals out, just that it can be a fine line in my experience, having been on both sides, of that line on both sides of that coin.)
amina:
Don't worry about thebostonstrangler, he's just fucking with you. He's unattainable anyway.
Just got home. Drunk. Was meant to go to Santa Ynez to entertain some lameass, too tired, too drunk. If I go out and do this, I need to behave myself. How did this happen? I am afraid of the repercussions of my actions at times. I am not the craziest not the most sane. Where do I exist? I am not sure but somewhere...
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deadmansparty:
mediocrity is under-rated. i find that sometimes the grey area is more compforting than it's alternatives. things usually tend to sway black or white, dramatic or boring. "piss-off" is a good way to deal with either type of person. grab a book or a good shower massager, both are rewarding. 
itsalivemedia:
I DID read your Foie Gras comment and you know what? Foie gras is not sucking cock. It's really not something heterosexual men just try. I can see your point intellectually, but viscerally (as a straight male) it does not hold water. But I appreciate the arguement you make and I respect it. I just happen to disagree. That's for playng along.
Now, I get put over your knee? Hmn...never done that....not really my thing as you know. Now if you wanna reverse the roles, I am more than happy to oblige.
It is odd all this action of late. Both innocent and not so innocent. But I am more than happy to have it this way.....if you think of a situation that might get me into more trouble, please throw it out there...I am all ears!
Now, I get put over your knee? Hmn...never done that....not really my thing as you know. Now if you wanna reverse the roles, I am more than happy to oblige.
It is odd all this action of late. Both innocent and not so innocent. But I am more than happy to have it this way.....if you think of a situation that might get me into more trouble, please throw it out there...I am all ears!
I am such a lameass. I have no life. It is Friday night and i am sitting in front of the computer. I watched Resident Evil. i will have nightmares for the rest of my life. It was badass though. I am tired and need to clean my wicked mess of a room, but I cannot be separated from my friend here...
I am LOSING...
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I am LOSING...
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VIEW 25 of 40 COMMENTS
bostonstrangler:
so you gonna let me take you out to dinner or what
disappearhere:
Holy Smokes!
I like your photos.
OK bye bye.
I like your photos.
OK bye bye.
I am such a lameass. I have no life. It is Friday night and i am sitting in front of the computer. I watched Resident Evil. i will have nightmares for the rest of my life. It was badass though. I am tired and need to clean my wicked mess of a room, but I cannot be separated from my friend here...
I am LOSING...
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I am LOSING...
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Thanx re the situation in my journal. Ups and downs, swings and roundabouts, life goes on but doesn't get any easier
(but it helps when SGers feel sorry for me!)