every dream I have is about you
every thought I have comes back to you
I am living each day apart from something
that feels like a piece of me
I function though barely
knowing that this piece of me
is so very far away
I am torn
as though drawn and quartered
between my expectations and my needs
my understanding and my desires
I believed I had a path
and with one chance meeting
that path has blown away
it scattered to the wind
or perhaps it is me who scattered
my desires tear me limb from limb
I know that I cannot have it all
and i know that it all must be said someday
not this day
maybe not while I'm alive
and I am so alive
now
thinking about you
thinking of being with you
my insides twist painfully
tormented by what I am not allowed
reminding me of my mortality
the limits to my life
I ask myself "why can't I fly?"
knowing the answer already
knowing that it would make things too
simple
and God it was supposed to be so
simple
but it is not,nor am I, nor are you
Our complications seem to run together
making my infatuation with you that much more
unbreakable
and again I wonder, where do we go from here?
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Torn
That which we cannot see but only feel...
The flames are black...yeilding no warmth nor light;
The tears 'the crimson hue of blood,
Flowing with my pain and my mortality.
A fire within me consumes itself,
And my tears drown me in sorrow.
I am torn between myself...
Arms tearing each other limb from limb.
The hell we make for ourselves is a damnation eternity cannot match, And we seek solace through physical pain, for a moment finding peace from the emotional.
Clawing, scratching, tearing...torn.
My nails against my skin...
My flesh raw against the harsh world...
My soul buried deep within...hidden.
From each wound its cleansing sting...
The pain an all too familiar reminder that I still feel.
I struggle through the darkness to endure this self-made anguish... In the void, to silence the pain would be to silence the heart.
Wounds heal and a dark soul can learn to love again...
...if it ever forgot...
Do I renounce the pain...I am torn.
-me
10/28/1997
A thrist we can never quench.