I don't want to do this anymore! I get my hopes up, I really like someone and then it all breaks apart like a goddamn cookie. The anguish and yearning is bad enough to send me to a fucking cloister! Honestly, at least then I wouldn't have the temptation. Actually, that wouldn't work, I like women too.
Do women like me ever find someone who will love them forever and not keep running away in fear? I have to be truthful with myself, the ones who stuck it out I left for various reasons. THe rule of thumb is that if I don't frighten you away for whatever reason in the first two weeks, you're stuck with me until I decide that you haven't given me what I asked for. I really do understand it now. I know what I need to accept and I know where I need to compromise. People keep laughing at me as though I'm a fool because this one's younger than me, out of my norm (no, really), but it doesn't matter to me except that the whole "I've barely experienced life" thing is overwhelming. I think he actually think life changes drastically when you leave school. I know that I can't tell him otherwise. I suppose I should walk away now. But I enjoy his company. Is it possible to not want more?