I am, by nature, a very lonely person.
While I know this, and take steps to imporve myself and/or postpone it's eventual surge of control, it does not take away from the fact that it is a part of me. Will probably always be a tiny part of me.
Sharrie said wonderful things to me once, and that was a good portion of why I was attracted to her. I mean, she was kind of cute, had an awesome body, and at times was very enjoyable to be around... the thing that brought me to her side, and kept me there for as long as I remained... were her words.
She said beautiful things to me... the things that I have dreamt and prayed for people to say to me. Over and over again I found that the delicate words falling from between her lips were those that my ears had been created to catch. They opened my heart, and for that I am glad.
Unfortunately, the same mind that produced those little vestiges of beauty and grace... also brought forth words brimming with the darkness that I have fought desperately to keep from my own mind, my own mouth, and my own heart. Yet she bore them, almost interchangably, with the light and hope I longed to hear. Which made the daggers even more sharp. That beauty cracked, and behind held the poison that I had previously only ever been administered by myself.
Now, as this terrible dust settles, I am removing Sharrie from my life. In part, for a good reason, and in part for my own weakness which I am trying to assuade. She has said evil things to me, and tried to repent. At first, I accepted the apologies... but as the knives continued to be thrust from the dark, I realized how gossamer and faulty they truly were. If self-repentence is revealed to merely be a tool towards gain, the significance is lost.
My own weakness falls within the lines of my loneliness issues, and my abandonment issues. Sharrie did major damage to me... not by the terrible things she said to me. No, the damage was done by those beautiful ones. I know, deep within myself, that a few months from now... I will probably find myself depressed, angry, and alone. At that time, I will want comfort. If I continued to allow Sharrie to be in my life, there is no doubt in my mind... that come the dark days that I find myself in that same valley, she would be waiting there for me, and I would be weak enough to believe again.
While I'm still strong, I need to prepare myself for the days in which I will become weak. Removing the people from my life that will be there to take advantage of my weakness is the best step I can take for myself at this moment. At least, as far as I can see.
I am, by nature, a very lonely person.
While I know this, and take steps to imporve myself and/or postpone it's eventual surge of control, it does not take away from the fact that it is a part of me. Will probably always be a tiny part of me.
Sharrie said wonderful things to me once, and that was a good portion of why I was attracted to her. I mean, she was kind of cute, had an awesome body, and at times was very enjoyable to be around... the thing that brought me to her side, and kept me there for as long as I remained... were her words.
She said beautiful things to me... the things that I have dreamt and prayed for people to say to me. Over and over again I found that the delicate words falling from between her lips were those that my ears had been created to catch. They opened my heart, and for that I am glad.
Unfortunately, the same mind that produced those little vestiges of beauty and grace... also brought forth words brimming with the darkness that I have fought desperately to keep from my own mind, my own mouth, and my own heart. Yet she bore them, almost interchangably, with the light and hope I longed to hear. Which made the daggers even more sharp. That beauty cracked, and behind held the poison that I had previously only ever been administered by myself.
Now, as this terrible dust settles, I am removing Sharrie from my life. In part, for a good reason, and in part for my own weakness which I am trying to assuade. She has said evil things to me, and tried to repent. At first, I accepted the apologies... but as the knives continued to be thrust from the dark, I realized how gossamer and faulty they truly were. If self-repentence is revealed to merely be a tool towards gain, the significance is lost.
My own weakness falls within the lines of my loneliness issues, and my abandonment issues. Sharrie did major damage to me... not by the terrible things she said to me. No, the damage was done by those beautiful ones. I know, deep within myself, that a few months from now... I will probably find myself depressed, angry, and alone. At that time, I will want comfort. If I continued to allow Sharrie to be in my life, there is no doubt in my mind... that come the dark days that I find myself in that same valley, she would be waiting there for me, and I would be weak enough to believe again.
While I'm still strong, I need to prepare myself for the days in which I will become weak. Removing the people from my life that will be there to take advantage of my weakness is the best step I can take for myself at this moment. At least, as far as I can see.
I am, by nature, a very lonely person.
I, too, have problems with the lonliness/abandonment thing but I have also had to distance myself from people that were pulling me down. Definitely the right choice for you to make.