tegan

baaah, fuck today.

my phone is dead which is aiding in the txt message obsession i've recently developed. its also not free to call anyone until 6pm so i guess thats a good thing too. i suppose my phone battery being completely dead is an all around good thing. im kind of hating it though.

i made a plan for today.

1. get coffee and smokes
2. go home
3. charge my phone
4. shower & change
5. go get something to eat.
6. buy panties for the photoshoot im doing on monday
7. go home again
8. dye my hair
9. do the mask for the photoshoot
10. watch the movie i rented.
11. drink myself to sleep.

tomorrow i have to work at 6pm so i can sleep in. i hate that im like a semi insomniac. i dont let myself sleep... i get used to things that i do before i sleep and then i stop doing them and i dont sleep till 7am. i've slept at keiths the past 2 nights in a row but havent been able to sleep until 6:30 or 7 in the morning. i used to take tylenol 3's withcodine for sleeping pills... then i ran out of those and started talking half an oxycotin. those things fucked me up though... i have a low tollerance for pills but i got used to puking before sleeping. if only vicodin was as easy to get in canada as it is in the states... i think i have an unclaimed love for it.

im kind of in one of those fuck everything sucks but im going to pretend to be totally un emotional about it moods. i guess thats what im supposed to do right? aquarians are supposed to be un emotional... which is true most of the time. every now and then theres something that erk's me and makes me all mushy and when it falls to shit i get in one of these moods.

i have scratches all over my right hand. everyone at the bar on saturday decided it would be aewsome to break glasses everywhere and of course during the cleaning process at the end of the night i ruined my hand and now have about 4 cuts on it. assholes.

some moron smashed a beer bootle on the bar. that was one major cut. another beer bottle on one of the round tables... more cuts... fuckin morons. a note to people who drink in bars... dont break bottles. it hurts the bartenders.

i have absolutely no motivation to do anything at all. i told myself i would leave here and go home over an hour ago and im still sitting here in keiths sleepy pants.

i've become a pro at typing a whole paragraph and erasing it because it might be 'too revealing'.

9 minuets to 6pm. my brain is on a west coast scheduel. maybe thats why my sleeping has been so retarded? maybe i like depriving myself of sleep. i have a feeling this weekend is going to be sleep-less.

alright... i cant be here anymore. i have to get out of here. i want to sit around and eat ice cream all day. fuck today. im not so into today. today blows.

knowing that in 8 days im going to be 10 minutes away from where i really want to be and im not able to be there is going to fucking torture me. it already is torturing me... burning my brain.

i cant think about this anymore... its going to be the death of me if i do.

xo.
t.

waiting...