tegan

sitting in a pool of yellow, nothing seems right anymore.
sitting alone, eyes closed, windows closed, the only noise is the one screaming in your head.
the only noise is the one that rips you apart.
competence, or lack there of... where do your tears go after they fall off your chin?
one for each face that smiles at you through the window in california.
the stars make shapes, that shape the thoughts in the window.
you hear voices, you listen to them hoping they will comfort you but it only makes you miss him more.
you listen, you keep listening, trying to hear every word that he says... you try.
competence, lacking that.
the screaming in your head, the beating of your heart and the tears dripping down your face.
your eyes hurt because its the first time you've wanted to stop using them.
your eyes hurt like they used to. you needed to get away from yourself and now you dont know who you are.
was this your dream? was this what you wanted?
you were once a fly trapped in a transparent glass. was it better that way?
i dont agree, i dont want this, i dont know what any of this means.
you did all of this without asking me...
you did all of this, with me here.
you ruined me.
you... me.
us.
I...


yeah, i wrote it... tonight.

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im retarded with sleep deprevation.

right now, amnesia seems like a blessing.

why wont you let me forget.

i've become delusional... please. analyze me... i cant figure it out.

4.49am.

my wrists are abnormally small for my size and my hands look alot daintier than they did 6 months ago.

i want to write a book, but i lack motivation and patience.

goodnight.
xo.
t.