tegan

nothing i write is satisfying myself.

Pressures bringing me down
no time to waste, I just need one taste to keep me from leaking.
Who are you & what am I seeking?
Im at the breaking point
my heart crumbles as I fall... everythings not alright after all.
Break down this wall before I fall deeper.
Taste me temperature, nice & warm.
Welcome back to my calm
The storm is over now
What will go down if i stay here?
Close my eyes and peer out & what used to me a mere glimpse of it.
It, shit, its all just shit isent it?
Let me hold you for a little bit longer, my love grows stronger as I suck away your energy.
Ill breath you in. You have no say,
this day is my day.

i wrote that on janurary 29th, 2003.

lost between reality and some sort of technicality in my mind.
thoughts race, at a faster pace than i am used to.
i used to know, i used to beleive everything that wasnt real. i had a sense of hope, i had a sense of home.
where is home to me now? when will things slow down?
insomnia bleeds into my veins, my sleeping patters always change, get rearranged... firmiliar things become estranged.
are my thoughts derranged?
the bed looks so big when your alone, the bed looks so empty when your alone.
open eyes, dont blink. dont even think about moving.
dont say a word... the third night without sleep.
things go racing, the pace slows down...
down.
down.
finally stops.

feb 2004.


i used to write things like that all the time... where have they all gone?

i want a 3/4 sleeve.

i want to not be hungry anymore.

i want to write something that means anything.

i want to read something that will take me away.

i want to talk to chloe.

i want my i.d back.

i want to see him.

i want, i want, i want...

maybe ill go read now. i need some money. i wish i could have mcdonalds, or a pizza...

xo.
t.