When's the last time you went to 7-11? If it's an almost daily occurance for you (like it is for me) then you have no doubt noticed the new position they've added to their staff. Hobos!
That's right. Every single 7-11 in the world is now staffed with it's very own hobo. Of course the quality of said hobo is different depending on where you go, for instance, the location at Willoughby and Vine has a very friendly, wheel chair bound Lt. Dan style hobo. He's an endearing scamp and a welcome addition to the 7-11 family. In contrast, the 7-11 at Overland and Palms (closest to my apartment) plays host to a hobo who I have named "Porky, the world's fanciest hobo". Why? The first time I saw him, he was wearing a midrift revealing half shirt and pink, fingerless, fishnet gloves (this is the stuff of nightmares people). Are these the typical accoutrements of someone "fancy"? No...Unless you're Porky, The World's Fanciest Hobo (Who, by the way, has also chosen a creepy vibe to complete his emsemble).
How did this come to pass? I'll tell you how. Everyone who goes into 7-11 is LOADED, son! Yes, even me. I'm rich! There, I finally said it. I'm rich as a bastard and so is everyone else who "shops" at 7-11. That kid buying Funyuns - rich. Those two cable installers buying tall boys of High Life at 9am - loaded (not on the tall boys. I meant loaded with money). A guy who looks like me but totally isn't me, I swear, buying a package of hot dogs, mouthwash, a single serving of Go-Gurt, condoms, and vegetable oil - don't judge me, I'm rich too. (By the way, I don't know what I...I mean "he" has planned with these items, but count me out of whatever it is.)
Hobos have an innate ability to sniff out high rollers and the places they frequent and 7-11 knows this so they hired what I can only refer to as a fleet of corporate hobos. These hobos are positioned stategically outside every 7-11 in the world. They're free to opperate on their own terms as long as they cut the 7-11 coporation in on their fat paydays. You see, 7-11 knows that they're the place "where the playas play" so why not milk a little more out of their cash laden clientel. Genius, pure genius.
Hey, 7-11, I'm on to you. I know what you're trying to do, and I don't like it. The fact that you would use Porky, The World's Fanciest Hobo like this is simply sickening to me.
Now, if you'll excuse me I have a package of hot dogs, mouthwash, a single serving of Go-Gurt, condoms, and vegetable oil to attend to...I mean some dude that looks like me does...Whatever.
That's right. Every single 7-11 in the world is now staffed with it's very own hobo. Of course the quality of said hobo is different depending on where you go, for instance, the location at Willoughby and Vine has a very friendly, wheel chair bound Lt. Dan style hobo. He's an endearing scamp and a welcome addition to the 7-11 family. In contrast, the 7-11 at Overland and Palms (closest to my apartment) plays host to a hobo who I have named "Porky, the world's fanciest hobo". Why? The first time I saw him, he was wearing a midrift revealing half shirt and pink, fingerless, fishnet gloves (this is the stuff of nightmares people). Are these the typical accoutrements of someone "fancy"? No...Unless you're Porky, The World's Fanciest Hobo (Who, by the way, has also chosen a creepy vibe to complete his emsemble).
How did this come to pass? I'll tell you how. Everyone who goes into 7-11 is LOADED, son! Yes, even me. I'm rich! There, I finally said it. I'm rich as a bastard and so is everyone else who "shops" at 7-11. That kid buying Funyuns - rich. Those two cable installers buying tall boys of High Life at 9am - loaded (not on the tall boys. I meant loaded with money). A guy who looks like me but totally isn't me, I swear, buying a package of hot dogs, mouthwash, a single serving of Go-Gurt, condoms, and vegetable oil - don't judge me, I'm rich too. (By the way, I don't know what I...I mean "he" has planned with these items, but count me out of whatever it is.)
Hobos have an innate ability to sniff out high rollers and the places they frequent and 7-11 knows this so they hired what I can only refer to as a fleet of corporate hobos. These hobos are positioned stategically outside every 7-11 in the world. They're free to opperate on their own terms as long as they cut the 7-11 coporation in on their fat paydays. You see, 7-11 knows that they're the place "where the playas play" so why not milk a little more out of their cash laden clientel. Genius, pure genius.
Hey, 7-11, I'm on to you. I know what you're trying to do, and I don't like it. The fact that you would use Porky, The World's Fanciest Hobo like this is simply sickening to me.
Now, if you'll excuse me I have a package of hot dogs, mouthwash, a single serving of Go-Gurt, condoms, and vegetable oil to attend to...I mean some dude that looks like me does...Whatever.