techno_ballerina

Another Christmas Eve. We always had this tradition of hanging ornaments on the tree in the afternoon, as a family. We'd been doing it for years and years. But this year...I did it alone. My dad was too busy cooking, my brother and mom were getting his shopping done, and my sister was moping in her room like a sulky teenager, as always. My dad saw what I was doing...he walked in and I saw a few tears slip down. He didn't say anything, just kind of stared, then went back to his cooking. We're going to my aunt's house...(well, she's not my aunt and he's not my uncle, but they're people my dad grew up with, so I always called them "aunt" and "uncle") and we're just going to hang out with like +50 people there. Ahh, family reunions. Lots of music and LOTS of beer/alcohol/wine of every flavor. The beauty of being in a German family. Last year my second cousin and I passed a wine cooler back and forth and just analyzed that we'd be heading to college in less than a year and we'd be starting a new life. She probably won't be there tonight, as she got accepted into some ballet school in Wisconsin and we don't keep in touch anymore. We'll probably unwrap gifts tonight, after the party, since I work all of tomorrow. I haven't said anything about this...it's probably my last Christmas here at home, because next year at this time I'll be long gone, somewhere else. I'm not going to say this. I don't want to stir things up. But it'll feel good to start anew.

I'm so goddamn tired. Not physically. Just...inside. I don't know. I'm happy. I'm trying to promise myself I won't get too tipsy tonight. I don't need to be all headachey and red-eyed tomorrow during Christmas Day at work. Something's just missing, I've no idea what. Something is empty. I'll figure it out soon enough.