I don't think I like the feeling of being on muscle relaxers. Take four times a day, as needed. They make my head feel heavy and I blink too many times, trying to make the blurriness fade. Voices come in all directions. I want to curl up in a ball wherever I am, even at work in the middle of the marble floor. The doc says I'm having neck problems. At nineteen. The nerves and muscles there are too tense, too "overused." He feels the nerves along my neck. "Does that feel tender, Danielle?" I respond by shrieking. So that causes headaches, I can feel the pain shooting up to my forehead, pulsating. I've neck problems from carrying a 90lb. backpack for four years in high school, I took that thing everywhere. The girl I shared lockers with kept her stinky gym clothes in there, along with tons of other crap. When I realized she was dumping my textbooks and stealing money from my coat pocket, I carried all my books with me. All day. So now...I'm paying for it.
I attend my first session of Biofeedback on Tuesday. It may take 2-3 sessions, about $150 each. I'll probably end up whoring around with the insurance company. I'm not asking my parents for money. I'm too scared. But it's something I need. I'm not relying on medication anymore. Instead, I'm trying new therapies. I'm working out, cutting the caffeine and signing up for a yoga class. I'm trying to fall asleep without being drugged. I'm getting out of that medicated haze. I feel raw, exposed. But if I can feel again...it may be good. It may be bad.
A bath sounds good. Then curling up in my clean sheets. I'm reading an article on shock therapy that's horridly interesting. Thank god I've never been through that. A girl I knew when I was hospitalized was about to go through EST. She was scared and I held her hands all the time, she held mine back. She didn't want me to leave. I was a different person then. I'm glad I don't know her now.
Run-on sentences are my friend, yes. I can't think straight. Need to...get decent sleep. For once.
I attend my first session of Biofeedback on Tuesday. It may take 2-3 sessions, about $150 each. I'll probably end up whoring around with the insurance company. I'm not asking my parents for money. I'm too scared. But it's something I need. I'm not relying on medication anymore. Instead, I'm trying new therapies. I'm working out, cutting the caffeine and signing up for a yoga class. I'm trying to fall asleep without being drugged. I'm getting out of that medicated haze. I feel raw, exposed. But if I can feel again...it may be good. It may be bad.
A bath sounds good. Then curling up in my clean sheets. I'm reading an article on shock therapy that's horridly interesting. Thank god I've never been through that. A girl I knew when I was hospitalized was about to go through EST. She was scared and I held her hands all the time, she held mine back. She didn't want me to leave. I was a different person then. I'm glad I don't know her now.
Run-on sentences are my friend, yes. I can't think straight. Need to...get decent sleep. For once.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
years of manual labor jobs and not taking care of yourself'll do that to ya'...
i hope everything works out with your neck, and you are feeling better soon.
i never used a locker in school. never needed one. i was in this class for the kids in school that were bad enough to get expelled but for some reason they didn't. still trying to figure that out. but it was basically like iss for three years straight. except for when i screwed up my knee and was immobile for the better part of a year...