teapots

Paul and PY just came over, we smoked and I gave them the riddle run-down. I have a stock set of riddles I eventually will try on everyone I know. It's not like a test or anything, I'll still be your friend if you can't figure them out, but I like to see how fast people get it, what kinds of questions they ask, their strategies. Paul is a great guy, really. So is Pat, no question. Who, by the way, lost his virginity this week. I duly congratulated him. If you knew Pat, you would understand his waiting until he was 20 years old to make that transition, but I'm glad for him. He said it wasn't even awkward and he described it as "very sexy", which is more than can be said for the first time I had sex, certainly. Some part of me misses those clueless fumblings in the dark, trying not to wake up my parents, being terrified of being caught but not enough to stop. I miss that kind of innocence. Sex is great, don't get me wrong, and I certainly don't miss the pain or the discomfort, but I miss the sheer need to solve the sexual mystery, if you know what I mean. Where everything up to then was hearsay, and it was now your mission to discover the truth. When discovering was almost miraculous. I feel like I fully appreciated the experience then. I sometimes take it for granted, now, because it's not new... I think this is why I have trouble being monogamous. I don't actually have trouble with being faithful, but I struggle with the idea that, feasibly, one day I will never get to discover anyone new again. I love new experiences. Especially becoming familiar with someone sexually. It's like I'm back in my basement, fifteen, cold and naked and confused, having just a vague idea, a projected goal, and a quest to make myself and my partner feel amazing. I don't ever really want to lose that. Things were simpler. I wasn't worrying about my ass looking fat, or whether we were going to have anything to say to each other in the morning. It was just pleasure. It was good, and that was enough.

I'm sorry to write a novel here. I'm stoned and tired, and I have to get up. shower my rank self and go to the tattoo parlor. Yay for working at my tattoo parlor. I made vegan cookies for them, so I should get some kudos.

I'm so excited for my new tattoo. It will, though, have to be the "coming out" tattoo. I'm going to need to tell my parents. I don't wear revealing clothing, which is how the other two have stayed hidden. But considering this will be a quarter-sleeve of sorts, there will have to be a discussion. Ah, well. At least I won't be lying anymore. Somehow, I liked the idea of lying better than the ugly reality I will eventually have to face, but this is a turning point. I need to start being mature.

I also need to get over this relationship.
Oh, and if I haven't said it yet-
Fuck you, for ruining something so beautiful.

Finis.