tdblitz

So I think im going insane. I had some weird thoughts last week when I thought I was going to Afghanastan. Like really fucked up thoughts. And now im not going and I stepped back and realized that the marines has definately affected my mind in one way or another. Sometimes I wonder if this was truely the right choice for me. I mean I love the corp more then anything else in this world but sometimes I wonder If I was mean't for something else. I use to be an amazing musician but now I can barely play. I know HOW to play, but it would take a while for me to re-learn all of my musical abilities.
And since Im on the topic of military stuff, the military is a lonely place. I mean, I have friends but Imiss being able to have a companion. Doesn't have to be a female ( It would be nice though). I miss being able to take care of something/someone. Hold them/it in my arms knowing that it is mine and mine alone.
On a happier note, well now that I think of it.... nothing has really made me happy in a while. Kinda sad. Just moving on from day to day without a purpose besides serving my country and working for the marine corp. thats it. Im not special to anyone. Im not important. Im expendable. If I die they can find someone just like me to do my job. If I leave they can replace me. like a part on a car. You can just go out and....get another one. So what am I to do? Living life like I did the day before. Living on minimum wage, and still unhappy. maybe it's the way I am....Maybe people just don't get me. females here don't get where im coming from. Hell half of them date guys plainly based on looks. an im definately not the most handsome male here.
I miss having no rules as well. I have to keep my hair a certain way, and shave, and stay within military standards. It sucks..... But this is the life I chose all because of 1 little stupid event in my life, Well I gotta shower.... Feel like dirt so im gonna try to wash it off.

This has been a broadcast from your friendly service member, Linson