tawnya

So, I want to listen to the music I want to listen to. Obvious if you know me. I think music makes a mood for a lot of people. Definitely not true for me. Music reflects my mood. But in odd ways. To a lot of people a riot grrl band would equate anger or resentment of some kind. When you're Tawnya, 7 Year Bitch means joy. L7 means party time and The Gits are elation. In light of all that, the wrong music feels forced and irritates me if I'm feeling anything other than ambivalence. I do NOT want to listen to GVSB unless there's someone I can have outrageous sex with in the next few hours. No Radiohead unless I can take a long drive or a trip of some kind. And never any Freezepop if I can't bop around and make an ass of myself, even if only to my pets.

It has bothered me that I'm so controlling when it comes to music. I don't like becoming sullen when someone puts on something I'm not in "the mood" for. Not liking it hasn't stopped it from happening. The end result is me being even more crabby because I'm bitter about being bitchy. Luckily discovering the tidbit that music is a mere reflection of my mood has chilled me out a lot. The stupid thing that brought this whole revelation about is the Augusten Burroughs book Dry. In it he is given a chart of various facial expressions to help him through his recovery. Apparently, a lot of the anxiety can stem from not knowing quite what you feel. So you pull out your chart and find the expression that matches. I do this with music. Now, instead of getting bitchy about what you're playing I can just think, "I'm feeling very Queens Of The Stone Age circa Lullabies To Paralyze right now." And having the knowledge leaves me to chill out and listen to someone else's mood.