the single most difficult thing ive ever said (or didnt say in this case)
im such an idoit! ok ok i just told a boy that ive been seein for six months i loved him. well the words never came out but he guessed what i was so upset about. you see we where makin love and i was a little drunk. i looked at him and desperatly wanted to tell him. it just came over me. it was so strong and hit me so hard. but i held it back. terrifeid of his response. well later i make a noise kinda laughin bout it and he asks why im doin that. i tell him i odnt want to say. it gets worse after that. i start to cry. i tell him i cant tell him. it will make him mad. it will ruin us. it will push him away. its just i know him. i was scared. he asked me if i was prego i said no. he asked me if i cheated i said no. then after awhile i told him it happend while we were makin love and i think it hit him. he asked if he could guess one more time and if he was wrong hed drop it. well, he guessed it. he clear as day said "i saw the way you looked at me" and thats when i started to cry more cuz i knew what he was gonna say next.
you know what really bothers me about the whole thing is that he asked me why i was soooo scared to tell him. he said he wasnt mad, he said that its not gonna change us or that he didnt want it to, he wants to keep goin like we are now. he told me he wasnt in love with me but he cares about me. but it took soooo much for me to admit (not even say just admit) that and to be shot down was the most heartbreaking moment of my life, (sorry tom).
imagine it. tellin someone you loved them. cryin, scared, no terrified to the piont of crying and then as hard as it hits you they hit you right back with "im sorry".
it felt like my heart was gonna fall out my butt, i wanted to scream, i wanted to keep cryin, i wanted to run away, i didnt want him to look at me.
but heres the thing...he asked me if we could keep things the way they where. i sad yes. i put a smile on my face, looked him right in the eyes and said yes. i faced him one more time and told him the second hardest thing ive ever said to anyone (or not said).
im such an idoit! ok ok i just told a boy that ive been seein for six months i loved him. well the words never came out but he guessed what i was so upset about. you see we where makin love and i was a little drunk. i looked at him and desperatly wanted to tell him. it just came over me. it was so strong and hit me so hard. but i held it back. terrifeid of his response. well later i make a noise kinda laughin bout it and he asks why im doin that. i tell him i odnt want to say. it gets worse after that. i start to cry. i tell him i cant tell him. it will make him mad. it will ruin us. it will push him away. its just i know him. i was scared. he asked me if i was prego i said no. he asked me if i cheated i said no. then after awhile i told him it happend while we were makin love and i think it hit him. he asked if he could guess one more time and if he was wrong hed drop it. well, he guessed it. he clear as day said "i saw the way you looked at me" and thats when i started to cry more cuz i knew what he was gonna say next.
you know what really bothers me about the whole thing is that he asked me why i was soooo scared to tell him. he said he wasnt mad, he said that its not gonna change us or that he didnt want it to, he wants to keep goin like we are now. he told me he wasnt in love with me but he cares about me. but it took soooo much for me to admit (not even say just admit) that and to be shot down was the most heartbreaking moment of my life, (sorry tom).
imagine it. tellin someone you loved them. cryin, scared, no terrified to the piont of crying and then as hard as it hits you they hit you right back with "im sorry".
it felt like my heart was gonna fall out my butt, i wanted to scream, i wanted to keep cryin, i wanted to run away, i didnt want him to look at me.
but heres the thing...he asked me if we could keep things the way they where. i sad yes. i put a smile on my face, looked him right in the eyes and said yes. i faced him one more time and told him the second hardest thing ive ever said to anyone (or not said).
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Josh