2/4/06
4:30 in the fucking morning and I'm awake...yes I know I say fuck a lot, so sue me....anyways, the pain has been really bad the last 24 hours or so and I don't know what to do other than bitch and moan. My friend, Amanda, God Bless her called me about 2:30 and talked to me for an hour trying to help me relax a little bit. Ive been listening to Cocteau Twins all night (since about 9) cuz they always help me to relax but I still can't fall asleep. I tried counting sheep, but being half Scottish I wanted to fuck them! (sick joke, I know). This whole homeopathic approach is better for me mentally, but physically draining and overwhelming at times. I don't know if others out there read my blogs (hi there) but typing this shit out is cathartic to a point at least. The fucking therapist did nothing for me, and the group seesion was no big help either though I will give it a second chance. Maybe I should see a hypnotherapist? When I was a bouncer (I used to be BIG AND STRONG!) at a comedy club 10 years ago there was this comedian/hypnotist from New Orleans that played there named Flip Orley. I got kind of friendly with him and his wife Dana and they did a private one on one session with me at the time that really helped. I had just broke up with a girl I had dated about a year and a half on and off and was really not dealing with it well (like we ever do, right guys?). Oh yeah, I like to write in asides a lot (fuckin' duh?)...Anyhow, I need something to help deal with this shit. I'm not one of those bitter, whoa is me,let's blame God kind of people or anything. I don't blame anyone for my situation. If I were to point a finger, I'd shoot it right back at myself I guess for all the abuse I did to my body over the years. Drank heavily for a LONG TIME! I know that didn't help and I got addicted to different RX medications over the years (Vicodin, Morphine, Ultram, etc..) and I used to eat the most gnarley shit. It used to freak my roommates out. Would you believe I used to put Mac & Cheese and Peanut Butter on top of my nachos and eat it? That' snot a joke, that's true. No wonder I became a diabetic for crying out loud. Now almost 300 lbs lighter, I do still indulge the twinkies and Chinese food. Oh yeah, that reminds me of a cool anecdote. My fave Chinese place here in town is owned by Mr. Fung (great guy). I have been a loyal and faithful customer to him for 14 years since I first moved to this area from WV ( I was a DJ at a radio station there Feb 90 - Dec 90) at the various Chinese restaurants he has owned and managed in the valley. I consider him a friend to my family. In fact when I slipped into a coma last january it was in his new place (had nothing to do with the food, i was already sick that day when i went to lunch with Kris). He called 911 and took care of Kris and kids thru the whole thing. he never charges for the kids, never charges kris and i full price and to the original point of the story now before the tangents, he has been a loyal supporter fo my various musical projects and bands over the years. I can't remember how many demos I have given him over the years, but a lot we'll say...Well, the last one i gave him was for SUNDAYS RUIN, my last band from 04-05. A cool little 4 song demo that had 2 of my songs, one of which has me on lead vocals. I was having a shit day on wed and went there for lunch. He put my demo on the place's stereo piping it thru the whole building.
It took me a minute to realize HOLY SHIT, THAT"S ME! It put a smile on my face to say the least. he asked me, "When I get Another CD from You (in my faux Chinese Accent) ?" I damn near cried man. Sometimes little things can mean so much. My new band hasnt' recorded anything yet. We are a 3 piece of defectors from Sundays Ruin. We ALL are all still friends but Sundays Ruin forged on as a 4 piece called FINELINE witha new drummer and minus a keyboard player (yours truly). We dont have a new name yet but Al (our singer) and I are tossing ideas around as we are the songwriters. I play 17 different instruments and write on keys, guitar and bass but keys are my primary gig. Ive got a couple of systems left with some decent gear but we only practice once a week. I want to get something recorded. 3 songs are finshed and 2 are in the works, plus I want to lift 2 of mine from Sundays Ruin since they no longer use them in their set. Hopefully there won't be any fuus andd fight about it. Some potential ideas for new band names:
1) Knuckle Kids
2) Pain Management
3) Ink Therapy
5) painful Memories
6) Writer's Kramp
7) Gut Busters
8) Courtesy Flush
That's all I have so far, I don't know what Al has so far. Paul (the drummer) says Al and I get to pick, he's indifferent. But we are going to plunk out for better equip in the next few weeks. We might add a bass player too so that Im not doing double duty, but we'll see....
(jeez, you'd think I was writng a fucking novel here....Stephen King eat your heat out!)
I love this Cocteau Twins CD - BBC Sessions Live. Just started to repeat again...dust on the lens, FUCK! I hate when it skips and shit, ok there it goes finally. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!! stop skipping goddammit! Alawys on that first song "Wax & Wane" hope it's not a scratch, fucking expensive to replace imports. That and CT isn't exactly like the most popular/heard of band. Good luck trying to find them at Best Buy. march on over to Tower or Barnes and Noble for them, or Borders. FUCK!!!!!!!! GODDAMN DUST FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT PARTICLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Must keep typing, the boogeyman is lurking!)
Would you believe at the height of my morphine addiction that I actually had a face to face conversation with satan? He said he was coming for me! Had a heart attack like a week later. Creepy shit, got OFF that fucking dope man!
Cocteau Twins have (had) the coolest bass lines. Really love Steve Severin from Siouxie and the Banshees too. Love that shit! The live albums are great! Very......moody(?). Read their autobiography last year. LOVED IT! Kris got me the B-Sides Box set for my b-day (4 days after the heart attck, can you say HAPPY FUCKIN" BIRTHDAY BITCH!?) at Tower. 75 smackeroos but well worth it. One of the best gifts Ive ever received. Damn, I've been typing for an hour, and Kris is snoring so loud behind me she's almost drowning out the stereo. At least the damn CD stopped skipping finally. Probably going to have to go back and edit all the typos out of this shit for sure....I'm thinking this might be the longest journal entry I have ever written my entire life? I started writing one in April 1981 when I was 9. My first entry is about my Dad taking me to see The Elephant Man at the movie theater in Tacoma WA (I was an Army Brat, lived all over the world). It was one of those really classic theatres like the Kabuki in SF, real ornate and Majestic (jesus, I can't believe I just used that fucking word, how cliche'?). The flick is still in my top 5 all time faves to this day. Finally got it on DVD last weekend. WOW! Still touches me 25 years later, very moving...
My ink on my back is itching like a mofo. Still need 2 more sessons to finish the Korn ones....Hope I get backstage passes and get to show the band the ink. Hope they like it and don't think "How fuckin' pathetic is this dude?" Love their music though....
Found apts in Reno/Sparks nicer, bigger, etc. for $20 more than we pay for this 2 bdrm duplex hovel...Relocating is looking more and more lucrative by the moment. It's still contingent on my SSI getting approved though. If they shoot me down, we're fucked! My last State Disability check goes out on the 17th for $104 and I get no more. So if SSI doesn't kick in, I don'tknow what will happen. The bills will pile higher than they already are. Medical bills, even though we HAVE insurance, out of pocket right now are over $110,000! We'll never be able to pay it, but you can't exactly get blood from a stone now can you? Maybe if your name is Jesus or Merlin maybe?
oh well, I guess I squash this fuckin' endless diatribe for the time being and do what brought me to this site in the first place, look at pix of REAL women not that fake, silicone, airbrushed Playboy (sorry Hef) bullshit. The ladies on SG are gorgeous, whether they are OFFICIAL SG's or just members who have their own pix posted from home. Regardless, thank you for sharing your beauty with us (me)...
4:30 in the fucking morning and I'm awake...yes I know I say fuck a lot, so sue me....anyways, the pain has been really bad the last 24 hours or so and I don't know what to do other than bitch and moan. My friend, Amanda, God Bless her called me about 2:30 and talked to me for an hour trying to help me relax a little bit. Ive been listening to Cocteau Twins all night (since about 9) cuz they always help me to relax but I still can't fall asleep. I tried counting sheep, but being half Scottish I wanted to fuck them! (sick joke, I know). This whole homeopathic approach is better for me mentally, but physically draining and overwhelming at times. I don't know if others out there read my blogs (hi there) but typing this shit out is cathartic to a point at least. The fucking therapist did nothing for me, and the group seesion was no big help either though I will give it a second chance. Maybe I should see a hypnotherapist? When I was a bouncer (I used to be BIG AND STRONG!) at a comedy club 10 years ago there was this comedian/hypnotist from New Orleans that played there named Flip Orley. I got kind of friendly with him and his wife Dana and they did a private one on one session with me at the time that really helped. I had just broke up with a girl I had dated about a year and a half on and off and was really not dealing with it well (like we ever do, right guys?). Oh yeah, I like to write in asides a lot (fuckin' duh?)...Anyhow, I need something to help deal with this shit. I'm not one of those bitter, whoa is me,let's blame God kind of people or anything. I don't blame anyone for my situation. If I were to point a finger, I'd shoot it right back at myself I guess for all the abuse I did to my body over the years. Drank heavily for a LONG TIME! I know that didn't help and I got addicted to different RX medications over the years (Vicodin, Morphine, Ultram, etc..) and I used to eat the most gnarley shit. It used to freak my roommates out. Would you believe I used to put Mac & Cheese and Peanut Butter on top of my nachos and eat it? That' snot a joke, that's true. No wonder I became a diabetic for crying out loud. Now almost 300 lbs lighter, I do still indulge the twinkies and Chinese food. Oh yeah, that reminds me of a cool anecdote. My fave Chinese place here in town is owned by Mr. Fung (great guy). I have been a loyal and faithful customer to him for 14 years since I first moved to this area from WV ( I was a DJ at a radio station there Feb 90 - Dec 90) at the various Chinese restaurants he has owned and managed in the valley. I consider him a friend to my family. In fact when I slipped into a coma last january it was in his new place (had nothing to do with the food, i was already sick that day when i went to lunch with Kris). He called 911 and took care of Kris and kids thru the whole thing. he never charges for the kids, never charges kris and i full price and to the original point of the story now before the tangents, he has been a loyal supporter fo my various musical projects and bands over the years. I can't remember how many demos I have given him over the years, but a lot we'll say...Well, the last one i gave him was for SUNDAYS RUIN, my last band from 04-05. A cool little 4 song demo that had 2 of my songs, one of which has me on lead vocals. I was having a shit day on wed and went there for lunch. He put my demo on the place's stereo piping it thru the whole building.
It took me a minute to realize HOLY SHIT, THAT"S ME! It put a smile on my face to say the least. he asked me, "When I get Another CD from You (in my faux Chinese Accent) ?" I damn near cried man. Sometimes little things can mean so much. My new band hasnt' recorded anything yet. We are a 3 piece of defectors from Sundays Ruin. We ALL are all still friends but Sundays Ruin forged on as a 4 piece called FINELINE witha new drummer and minus a keyboard player (yours truly). We dont have a new name yet but Al (our singer) and I are tossing ideas around as we are the songwriters. I play 17 different instruments and write on keys, guitar and bass but keys are my primary gig. Ive got a couple of systems left with some decent gear but we only practice once a week. I want to get something recorded. 3 songs are finshed and 2 are in the works, plus I want to lift 2 of mine from Sundays Ruin since they no longer use them in their set. Hopefully there won't be any fuus andd fight about it. Some potential ideas for new band names:
1) Knuckle Kids
2) Pain Management
3) Ink Therapy
5) painful Memories
6) Writer's Kramp
7) Gut Busters
8) Courtesy Flush
That's all I have so far, I don't know what Al has so far. Paul (the drummer) says Al and I get to pick, he's indifferent. But we are going to plunk out for better equip in the next few weeks. We might add a bass player too so that Im not doing double duty, but we'll see....
(jeez, you'd think I was writng a fucking novel here....Stephen King eat your heat out!)
I love this Cocteau Twins CD - BBC Sessions Live. Just started to repeat again...dust on the lens, FUCK! I hate when it skips and shit, ok there it goes finally. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!! stop skipping goddammit! Alawys on that first song "Wax & Wane" hope it's not a scratch, fucking expensive to replace imports. That and CT isn't exactly like the most popular/heard of band. Good luck trying to find them at Best Buy. march on over to Tower or Barnes and Noble for them, or Borders. FUCK!!!!!!!! GODDAMN DUST FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT PARTICLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Must keep typing, the boogeyman is lurking!)
Would you believe at the height of my morphine addiction that I actually had a face to face conversation with satan? He said he was coming for me! Had a heart attack like a week later. Creepy shit, got OFF that fucking dope man!
Cocteau Twins have (had) the coolest bass lines. Really love Steve Severin from Siouxie and the Banshees too. Love that shit! The live albums are great! Very......moody(?). Read their autobiography last year. LOVED IT! Kris got me the B-Sides Box set for my b-day (4 days after the heart attck, can you say HAPPY FUCKIN" BIRTHDAY BITCH!?) at Tower. 75 smackeroos but well worth it. One of the best gifts Ive ever received. Damn, I've been typing for an hour, and Kris is snoring so loud behind me she's almost drowning out the stereo. At least the damn CD stopped skipping finally. Probably going to have to go back and edit all the typos out of this shit for sure....I'm thinking this might be the longest journal entry I have ever written my entire life? I started writing one in April 1981 when I was 9. My first entry is about my Dad taking me to see The Elephant Man at the movie theater in Tacoma WA (I was an Army Brat, lived all over the world). It was one of those really classic theatres like the Kabuki in SF, real ornate and Majestic (jesus, I can't believe I just used that fucking word, how cliche'?). The flick is still in my top 5 all time faves to this day. Finally got it on DVD last weekend. WOW! Still touches me 25 years later, very moving...
My ink on my back is itching like a mofo. Still need 2 more sessons to finish the Korn ones....Hope I get backstage passes and get to show the band the ink. Hope they like it and don't think "How fuckin' pathetic is this dude?" Love their music though....
Found apts in Reno/Sparks nicer, bigger, etc. for $20 more than we pay for this 2 bdrm duplex hovel...Relocating is looking more and more lucrative by the moment. It's still contingent on my SSI getting approved though. If they shoot me down, we're fucked! My last State Disability check goes out on the 17th for $104 and I get no more. So if SSI doesn't kick in, I don'tknow what will happen. The bills will pile higher than they already are. Medical bills, even though we HAVE insurance, out of pocket right now are over $110,000! We'll never be able to pay it, but you can't exactly get blood from a stone now can you? Maybe if your name is Jesus or Merlin maybe?
oh well, I guess I squash this fuckin' endless diatribe for the time being and do what brought me to this site in the first place, look at pix of REAL women not that fake, silicone, airbrushed Playboy (sorry Hef) bullshit. The ladies on SG are gorgeous, whether they are OFFICIAL SG's or just members who have their own pix posted from home. Regardless, thank you for sharing your beauty with us (me)...