2/1/06
Sometimes even I am surprised by how pathetic I must sound...first case scenario - me trying to find friends on here. I must come off as some lame-o or something, cuz only one person (thanks Mike) has joined my friend list...I know that I pose no threat physical or otherwise to anyone, I just like to talk and since I am at home all day everyday thanks to the nerve disorder and chronic pain, I think I might be taking it too personal. Second case scenario - I'm being forced by my doctors to attend counseling to deal with the chronic pain/depression issues and I go yesterday and I clammed up for like the first hour. Then for whatever reason, I decided to open up a peep and I started talking about my ex-gf that committed suicide 16 years ago and it just messed me up for the remainder of the day. I'm like you know that I am happily married, crazy about my wife and feel extremely blessed and grateful to have her, but fuck if I still don't beat myself up with that what-if bullshit? Kris (my wife) has had to deal with a lot of crap from me because of the health issues I'm dealing with but how is it that I have her competing albeit inadvertently with someone I lost 16 years ago...I guess I've just never gotten over it....Shit, now I feel like Debbie Downer (wah wah wah wah).....I start physical therapy in 2 hours, OH YEAH like I am SO looking forward to that shit! I went to my favorite local downtown coffee shop this morning and got a Hot Chocolate (I don't like/drink coffee, I 've had one cup my whole life and hated it!) and a diet coke. Then I sat there for two hours playing Super Mario Bros. 3 on GBASP! Like I said, pathetic.....
Sometimes even I am surprised by how pathetic I must sound...first case scenario - me trying to find friends on here. I must come off as some lame-o or something, cuz only one person (thanks Mike) has joined my friend list...I know that I pose no threat physical or otherwise to anyone, I just like to talk and since I am at home all day everyday thanks to the nerve disorder and chronic pain, I think I might be taking it too personal. Second case scenario - I'm being forced by my doctors to attend counseling to deal with the chronic pain/depression issues and I go yesterday and I clammed up for like the first hour. Then for whatever reason, I decided to open up a peep and I started talking about my ex-gf that committed suicide 16 years ago and it just messed me up for the remainder of the day. I'm like you know that I am happily married, crazy about my wife and feel extremely blessed and grateful to have her, but fuck if I still don't beat myself up with that what-if bullshit? Kris (my wife) has had to deal with a lot of crap from me because of the health issues I'm dealing with but how is it that I have her competing albeit inadvertently with someone I lost 16 years ago...I guess I've just never gotten over it....Shit, now I feel like Debbie Downer (wah wah wah wah).....I start physical therapy in 2 hours, OH YEAH like I am SO looking forward to that shit! I went to my favorite local downtown coffee shop this morning and got a Hot Chocolate (I don't like/drink coffee, I 've had one cup my whole life and hated it!) and a diet coke. Then I sat there for two hours playing Super Mario Bros. 3 on GBASP! Like I said, pathetic.....
Keep strong and I will talk at you later