tattoo_kitten

I have the most incredible boyfriend!
Last night I got myself upset because my friend couldn't make it to my birthday meal and my sister suddenly decided she couldn't go, so I just cancelled the whole thing.
I get depressed and upset around my birthday anyway - I hate the attention - I wish it was just a normal day and no-one knew about it.
So anyway I got myself all sad and upset and had a bit of a cry and Pete gave me lots of hugs and said it was all ok and that the people couldn't make it all had good reasons. He then said that he'd take me out for a meal instead. i kept telling him no, because I thought he was just doing it because i was a bit upset, but I've now relented and hopefully we'll be going out Sunday night to Wagamama (sp) - a different japanese restaurant than I'd originally planned on visiting, but it still looks yummy.

I can't help getting upset on my birthday, I don't know why I do (other than the reasons above), its like I'm expecting something incredibe to happen and it doesn't - but I'm not quite sure what the incredible thing is, but its the delightful feeling of anticipation and excitment that comes to me the day before and then by the end of the actual day its all drained away and life is expectantly depressing again. Last year this happened but I got flowers from my mum and Pete and I was so overwhelmed! They were so beautiful.

I have such low respect for myself, that i don't think I deserve anything exciting - I hate it when poeple ask me what presents I want, I want to yell " don't get me anything I'm not worth it" but I don't.

Anyway Pete is great, I love him so much, he makes me a better person. kisses to him!