ts a full moon outside but I can't be to sure
As I sit outside with my mind flooded with shit I get a glimpse at the moon
Is it full? I can't really tell due to the black clouds that seem to flow over it from the previous storm. I feel intrugied. I want to see the moon so I sit there and wait. It is such a beautiful sight that I want to grab my camera. This never compared to the rain in the desert. I never liked rain here in so cal....but after the rain stops it seems so calm and peaceful. I waited and waited and I never saw the moon again after awhile. This does not mean I won't go out and wait some more. I am restless. My mother gave me a box that said Michelle's stuff. I pulled out things I never expected. I didnt realize that she SAVED everything from my past. I was reminded. The good the bad.....it really didnt matter. It was me....in a box. I went through the box and pulled shit out I had so easily forgotten. She even kept records of when I ran away and got into so much trouble. I look back at my past and I realized I never remembered a damn thing. Past 8 years old is all that was in this box. Baby pictures yes but I don't remember a lot. I glanced at this box my mom brough from storage.....I looked at it for a about 15-20 minutes debating to open it up. What was in this box? Did I really want to know? I found this certificate for writing that I guess I received in HS. Never remember getting it. I found a photo I shot that got an honarable mentiion.....never remembered that also. Old jersey when I thought basketball was my life. Yearbooks I never wanted to see again.....but alas its my past in a box. Letters from my mom when I ran away from home......lpolice reports when I couldnt stay out of trouble....this shit I never saw until now. When I ran away my parents planned on putting me in a hospital.....wow. Never knew that shit. I was a troubled teen I admit....but was I that bad? Shrink after shrink after shrink bills.....yes my mom kept all this for me to see....telling me dont take it wrong its just the past. Did I listen to the shrinks? Fuck no.....I told them to fuck off and then got sent to another one. I never wanted to see the good in me and I never wanted to love myself. I was to busy running away from my past I didnt stop to deal with it.
Now I am here and the moon wont come to me. Its clouded blackness as my mind seems to be. Good times with friends leads me to the future.
Affection I seem to seek leads me to today.
Was this a good day for me?
I think so......because I finally get to learn myself and who I have become.
I don't expect people to read this and I dont really care if they do....its be sharing.....and to do that is the healthiest tool I have.
Michelle
As I sit outside with my mind flooded with shit I get a glimpse at the moon
Is it full? I can't really tell due to the black clouds that seem to flow over it from the previous storm. I feel intrugied. I want to see the moon so I sit there and wait. It is such a beautiful sight that I want to grab my camera. This never compared to the rain in the desert. I never liked rain here in so cal....but after the rain stops it seems so calm and peaceful. I waited and waited and I never saw the moon again after awhile. This does not mean I won't go out and wait some more. I am restless. My mother gave me a box that said Michelle's stuff. I pulled out things I never expected. I didnt realize that she SAVED everything from my past. I was reminded. The good the bad.....it really didnt matter. It was me....in a box. I went through the box and pulled shit out I had so easily forgotten. She even kept records of when I ran away and got into so much trouble. I look back at my past and I realized I never remembered a damn thing. Past 8 years old is all that was in this box. Baby pictures yes but I don't remember a lot. I glanced at this box my mom brough from storage.....I looked at it for a about 15-20 minutes debating to open it up. What was in this box? Did I really want to know? I found this certificate for writing that I guess I received in HS. Never remember getting it. I found a photo I shot that got an honarable mentiion.....never remembered that also. Old jersey when I thought basketball was my life. Yearbooks I never wanted to see again.....but alas its my past in a box. Letters from my mom when I ran away from home......lpolice reports when I couldnt stay out of trouble....this shit I never saw until now. When I ran away my parents planned on putting me in a hospital.....wow. Never knew that shit. I was a troubled teen I admit....but was I that bad? Shrink after shrink after shrink bills.....yes my mom kept all this for me to see....telling me dont take it wrong its just the past. Did I listen to the shrinks? Fuck no.....I told them to fuck off and then got sent to another one. I never wanted to see the good in me and I never wanted to love myself. I was to busy running away from my past I didnt stop to deal with it.
Now I am here and the moon wont come to me. Its clouded blackness as my mind seems to be. Good times with friends leads me to the future.
Affection I seem to seek leads me to today.
Was this a good day for me?
I think so......because I finally get to learn myself and who I have become.
I don't expect people to read this and I dont really care if they do....its be sharing.....and to do that is the healthiest tool I have.
Michelle
VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
vespawood:
Hey, it's like way too late. Sorry I have not been around here much. But happy new year. I hope you are staying sober and doing well. I'm here if you ever need anything! Just e-mail me.
tattooedteddy:
Like to wish you a very Happy Valentines Day
