tathra

depression is a funny thing. i think home is the most depressing thing in my life right now. i live in a depraved little junkie town where the only thing easily available is oxy, and it is insanely overpriced; its fair to say that at least half the town is strung out, working to support their habits, or stealing from people, or dealing, if they're smart (ha). its a little go-nowhere shithole, and simply being there, unable to do anything, go anywhere (longterm) for at least 6-12 months... its fucking depressing.

funny enough, the instant i got to florida and got in my friend's car... withdrawal or not, i was the happiest i've been since... since i left florida a month ago haha. on one side, i just want to go home and curl up in my bed until i finish detoxing, because detox really isnt something you should do anywhere except in your own home, but i know if i were at home, i would just keep wasting money, and feel worse and worse, about my situation, about never leaving the house because i'm too depressed, about feeling trapped and alone... so, yeah.

a few days after i get home, i have to start getting on people's asses because i still dont have orders for medic school, to which i report in November, and without orders, i cant go. i also have to talk to a certain someone who is another aspect of why i cant move anywhere without a bunch of paperwork and hopefully get myself out of that little mess a lot earlier than i am originally supposed to.

i absolutely HAVE to get out of that town. my only friend that i see on a regular basis (read: more than once or twice a year) is moving to Wisconsin asap, next month if he can, and that will leave me completely alone, and i cant handle that, especially not for a freakin year.

well. i guess i'll just see how things work out in the near future. i'm hoping for the best.