taterkil

A wedding ring. Symbol of the circle of love. It can also be a symbol of when its time to end. We had a good marriage by most accounts but we both got comfortable internalizing our true feelings to keep the relationship peaceful. We grew fat in this comfort both in physical size and in how much we put aside in that box where bad feelings and hurt gos.

I took my ring off on Friday. There is still and indention in my finger showing me clearly where it was and further illustration of how the marriage constrained me from being me. It felt liberating, like taking off a collar used to keep me at bay. So now the symbol is of shackles tossed and an escape to freedom but unlike the dog freed to run I have hesitation and confusion. I want this, there are things unfinished in my life dreams put aside that are now open again and I want to plunge head first into them. But there is also the sadness of 13 years over, of the fact that we let it go this far and the fact that I still love her. I do love her but am I still passionate.

I think for a relationship to work there needs to be love and passion. We had not been passionate in years. Sex became a thing we did but we were in a rut, and it was mechanical. In life we all need to be wanted by someone and neither of us really showed any sign of wanting each other.

So its over and now its time to rediscover that confident kid, who was full of wonder and zest. The world is ours if we just go out and make it happen.

Rebirth.