tartpop

it's time to move on. time to grwo up and i'm ready for it. i guess some people never do though. some people never realize how blessed they are by the responsiblities they have, they're just constantly looking for a way to get away from them.
materilaist. hollow. shallow. fake.
i'm tired of all of it. tired of living this way. tired of belonging to this lifestyle. i thought i had gotten away from it long ago when i left the club life and got married. i guess that was a step in the right direction, but even outside of the club it's everywhere i turn.
it surrounds me. the faces change. names change. but the same sins are everywhere. even inside of myself.

but i'm ready to be different. ready to just be me and not kristin or dott or kettle or tartpop or whoever. i'm not just another face in the crowd as i once was, but the time has come to cease my striving to be in a constant limelight. i'm tired of trying so hard to be liked and be wanted. i'm tired of doing things that i don't really care to do just cause i think it will make me more unique. enough of this fake red hair and enough of trying to grow it out so it will be long and people will think i'm pretty. enough of jealousy and enough of trusting people too fast.

today is my 8 month anniversary. i'm settled and clear headed and somewhat happy. i still have nightmares that i'll lose another baby but that probably won't go away until the baby is born.

i'm leaving this place the day after tomorrow. finally. after it has been put off for so long and i've been metaphorically slapped in the face by so much here.

new state. new start. new hope.



















i'm leaving you behind. your dances and dresses and drama.

you can have your war: without. me.