Tube trips home are never dull when you have an imagination that lurks somewhere just below the gutter.
There's a guy who sometimes sits in the same carriage as me. I've seen him a couple of times now. He has the most fascinating crotch I have ever seen. It doesnt help that he insists on sitting there with his legs wide open. (Why do some men do that?) If Marvel comics did mutant porn this guy would be a star player.
Whilst desperately trying to avoid gawping at his groin this evening I came to the conclusion that his freakish bulge must be due to one or more of the following reasons:
1. An optical illusion created by incredibly tight jeans
2. Sport sock padding
3. Elephantitis of the ball sack
4. He is really hung like a stallion
5. He finds train journeys a lot more tittilating than your average tube passenger.
None of these would particularly freak me out on their own. You cant really hold bizarre medical conditions against someone and I've had some pretty thrilling bus rides myself, were it not for that fact that this guy looks like...
...Phil Collins.
He's short, pudgy, balding and has that sallow, pasty complexion that seems to be the sole preserve of middle-aged English men. I'm reasonably confident that he wears socks and sandals and probably a vest on the beach. He irons creases into the front of his jeans, and more than likely presses his tighty whities as well.
I have been single for far too long to be able to cope with these disturbing mental images. I need a gorgeous boy, preferably without any tropical diseases or socks in his shorts to take my mind off thoughts of Phil Collins in the raw.
I just hope next time I see him I'm not drunk otherwise my inner Homer Simpson might kick in and I'll end up pointing and laughing and going "Is that real?" in a really loud voice.
There's a guy who sometimes sits in the same carriage as me. I've seen him a couple of times now. He has the most fascinating crotch I have ever seen. It doesnt help that he insists on sitting there with his legs wide open. (Why do some men do that?) If Marvel comics did mutant porn this guy would be a star player.
Whilst desperately trying to avoid gawping at his groin this evening I came to the conclusion that his freakish bulge must be due to one or more of the following reasons:
1. An optical illusion created by incredibly tight jeans
2. Sport sock padding
3. Elephantitis of the ball sack
4. He is really hung like a stallion
5. He finds train journeys a lot more tittilating than your average tube passenger.
None of these would particularly freak me out on their own. You cant really hold bizarre medical conditions against someone and I've had some pretty thrilling bus rides myself, were it not for that fact that this guy looks like...
...Phil Collins.
He's short, pudgy, balding and has that sallow, pasty complexion that seems to be the sole preserve of middle-aged English men. I'm reasonably confident that he wears socks and sandals and probably a vest on the beach. He irons creases into the front of his jeans, and more than likely presses his tighty whities as well.
I have been single for far too long to be able to cope with these disturbing mental images. I need a gorgeous boy, preferably without any tropical diseases or socks in his shorts to take my mind off thoughts of Phil Collins in the raw.
I just hope next time I see him I'm not drunk otherwise my inner Homer Simpson might kick in and I'll end up pointing and laughing and going "Is that real?" in a really loud voice.
VIEW 25 of 34 COMMENTS
badrobot:
Ask him if it's real. He'll think his lucks in, will reply yes, and you can shoot him down with a 'pity you look like Phil Collins then' before getting off at the next stop.
badrobot:
One tries ones best 