tarnish

I had the most terrifying dream of my life last night. It started off fine. Rather cool actually. I was dreaming about getting this fucking awesome tattoo, by this rad, curvy, latina, and I was so anxious to show it off, then it cut to me and the girl outside. The area seemed familiar. I felt like I knew the place and where I was going. Then there are gun shots, and I see the girl fall. Then I'm being hit with bullets, one in my shoulder, 4 in my stomach. I fell to the ground, in a daze, There wasn't any real pain, but I felt the bullets, deep and heavy. Like weights in my belly.

Then suddenly I'm outside myself, watching everything happen. My body was unconscious, and the police that came, and the people around us, all thought I was dead. I could see Dereks mom and brother, and my grandfather, and they were all crying and hugging each other. (For some reason Derek wasn't there). Then suddenly I was back inside my body. I could feel the blood in my throat. It felt like I needed to vomit, but I wouldn't let myself, because I knew if I did it would kill me. I was just lying there, staring up at the sky, and I couldn't say anything, i couldn't really move. I forced myself to utter a small cry...I said help, but it was so weak, and tiny...the police ran over shouting "who said that, which one of them said that?!" And all I could do was move the tips of my fingers to let them know I was still alive. They rushed over to me, asking me questions, telling me to stay with them, and I'm coughing blood, feeling it drip down the sides of my face and into my ears. It was so hard to breathe.

It felt like it was taking forever for the ambulance to get there, I kept thinking, please, please hurry, I don't want to die. Please god let them hurry. Then I saw my grandfathers face above me, and he was crying. As I looked at him I felt this overwhelming sense of fear, and my vision started to go dark. It was like looking at a digital picture of my grandpa, with the pixles starting to black out begining at the edges and moving inward, the blocks of black getting larger as they moved towards the middle, this was death. As it got darker, I heard screaming, and crying, and cursing from somewhere far away and yet so close at the same time(it felt like hell was coming for me, or I was going to it, I don't know), it is so hard to describe, and it might sound cheesey, but it sounded like demons, a countless number of them, all screaming in my head...at that moment I forced another cry...I shouted NO! with a spray of blood... and things started to come back into focus.

At that moment the phone rang in my house, waking me up. I just layed there shaking and staring at the ceiling, not believeing it was just a dream, it all felt SO real. I was shaking so hard I woke up Derek, and I just broke down. I cried and sobed all morning, with him holding me. It's making me tear up now just recalling that horrid dream.

I've always had nightmares. And I've had some pretty terrifying dreams in the past. but never before have I dreamed of my own death, and felt it, and tasted it, and heard it. I have no idea what to think about it. Every time I close my eyes for more than a few seconds now, I get so scared, like I'm afraid I won't be able to open them ever again. A lifetime(and I do mean, a life time. I can still recall my very first nightmare, when i was 2-3 years old) of nightmares, and nothing has ever scared me this much.

It's times like this when I really wish i knew how to interpret dreams. If any of you know anything aout interpreting dreams and can help me figure out what this all meant, please feel free to email me, or IM me on Yahoo Messenger. Tarnish_420 I would really appreciate it.