damn the bible belt. damn the bible belt to the hell of the horny dragon. my current list of complaints about living in the bible belt:
1) dry counties. being of legal age, and yet not being able to purchase alcoholic beverages unless I drive 20 miles to the county line. not to mention, the laws make it damn near impossible to the issue on a ballot, so attempting to get the laws changed is almost a lost cause.
2) things closed on sundays. resturants, stores, even the lone county-line liquor store. that last one in particular made for a nice afternoon. I decided to made a booze run to pick up some redum, on suggestion from ms. bunny. drove 20 miles to the place, pulled into the parking lot, and discovered that they're closed on sundays. now, this is a liquor store that has the advantage of being the closest place to buy alcohol for about 80,000 people. common sense (and business sense) would thereby lead one to assume that being open every day could only boost sales. but alas, they're closed on sundays. "for worship." yeah, there you go mr. business owner (who also happens to own the sleazy strip club across the highway). I suppose as big a hypocrite as that needs his ass-kissing time with god every week.
3) religious junk mail. I get no less than 4 pieces of mail per week that are letters, brochures, and / or pamphlets from various churches in the area. "come give US your money!" "no, don't listen to those heathens, give your money to US!" hell, there's even a mormon church down the street, so it seems that every new batch of mormons doing their missions ends up knocking on my door at some point.
4) hyper-conservatives. one evening a few months ago I realized I needed some milk for my cereal, so I put on some shorts and a tshirt and went to the grocery store. the tshirt happened to have a caffeine molecule on it, and the shorts, as shorts tend to do, left my calves uncovered, which displayed my two tattoos. milk in hand, I was waiting in the checkout line, minding my own business, when a pentecostal lady in line behind me (easily identifiable: they don't cut their hair, don't style it, don't wear make-up (or earrings even I think?), and can't wear pants, so they're always wearing ankle-length denim skirts. [something about 'not dressing as a man']) taps me on the shoulder and says, "satan has a place ready for you." ... I'm sorry, what was that? "mutilating your body like that is a sin against god, as is the drugs you obviously take. you're going to go to hell." riiiiight. in the meantime, I think I'll just take my milk and leave your freakish fundie self behind.
5) plain old nutcases. there is a lady in town who preaches the end of the world. in front of a coffee shop. I was sitting in said coffee shop one cool fall evening, drinking my coffee and reading a book, when I noticed a lady putting a milk crate on the ground across the street. she appeared to be just a generic mother-type in her early 40's...wouldn't seem out of place in an SUV shuffling kids from soccer practice to piano lessons. then she started yelling. "sadaam hussein has nuclear weapons, he is going to use them on the united states because you are wicked and god wants to punish you!" ... "anthrax will kill millions because of your evil ways!" all sorts of gems like those. I asked around, and evidently she makes regular appearances. since she stands on a sidewalk across the street, and she's basically harmless, they don't do anything about it. but let's think about this for a minute...if you're going to tell people they're sinners, shouldn't you pick a place a little more... rife with sin, perhaps? a college town coffee shop? yeah, those kids drinking their latte, studying for a chem exam, boy they sure are sinning like the dickens.
in short, it sucks here. people always tell me that I should move closer to civilization. at first, I would laugh and tell them, "it's not so bad here, really." every day that passes though, civilization is looking better and better.
1) dry counties. being of legal age, and yet not being able to purchase alcoholic beverages unless I drive 20 miles to the county line. not to mention, the laws make it damn near impossible to the issue on a ballot, so attempting to get the laws changed is almost a lost cause.
2) things closed on sundays. resturants, stores, even the lone county-line liquor store. that last one in particular made for a nice afternoon. I decided to made a booze run to pick up some redum, on suggestion from ms. bunny. drove 20 miles to the place, pulled into the parking lot, and discovered that they're closed on sundays. now, this is a liquor store that has the advantage of being the closest place to buy alcohol for about 80,000 people. common sense (and business sense) would thereby lead one to assume that being open every day could only boost sales. but alas, they're closed on sundays. "for worship." yeah, there you go mr. business owner (who also happens to own the sleazy strip club across the highway). I suppose as big a hypocrite as that needs his ass-kissing time with god every week.
3) religious junk mail. I get no less than 4 pieces of mail per week that are letters, brochures, and / or pamphlets from various churches in the area. "come give US your money!" "no, don't listen to those heathens, give your money to US!" hell, there's even a mormon church down the street, so it seems that every new batch of mormons doing their missions ends up knocking on my door at some point.
4) hyper-conservatives. one evening a few months ago I realized I needed some milk for my cereal, so I put on some shorts and a tshirt and went to the grocery store. the tshirt happened to have a caffeine molecule on it, and the shorts, as shorts tend to do, left my calves uncovered, which displayed my two tattoos. milk in hand, I was waiting in the checkout line, minding my own business, when a pentecostal lady in line behind me (easily identifiable: they don't cut their hair, don't style it, don't wear make-up (or earrings even I think?), and can't wear pants, so they're always wearing ankle-length denim skirts. [something about 'not dressing as a man']) taps me on the shoulder and says, "satan has a place ready for you." ... I'm sorry, what was that? "mutilating your body like that is a sin against god, as is the drugs you obviously take. you're going to go to hell." riiiiight. in the meantime, I think I'll just take my milk and leave your freakish fundie self behind.
5) plain old nutcases. there is a lady in town who preaches the end of the world. in front of a coffee shop. I was sitting in said coffee shop one cool fall evening, drinking my coffee and reading a book, when I noticed a lady putting a milk crate on the ground across the street. she appeared to be just a generic mother-type in her early 40's...wouldn't seem out of place in an SUV shuffling kids from soccer practice to piano lessons. then she started yelling. "sadaam hussein has nuclear weapons, he is going to use them on the united states because you are wicked and god wants to punish you!" ... "anthrax will kill millions because of your evil ways!" all sorts of gems like those. I asked around, and evidently she makes regular appearances. since she stands on a sidewalk across the street, and she's basically harmless, they don't do anything about it. but let's think about this for a minute...if you're going to tell people they're sinners, shouldn't you pick a place a little more... rife with sin, perhaps? a college town coffee shop? yeah, those kids drinking their latte, studying for a chem exam, boy they sure are sinning like the dickens.
in short, it sucks here. people always tell me that I should move closer to civilization. at first, I would laugh and tell them, "it's not so bad here, really." every day that passes though, civilization is looking better and better.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
if some lady told me i was going to hell for whatever reason, why i'd... id... id probably pretend i didnt hear her and rant about it on the internet.
im apparently too passive.