tantrum_child

Side to side
I try again
Just can't shake
This picture

The long knife
Coated in blood
Chunks of flesh
Holding firm
To it's blade

The mess
The smell
Of the burning
mattress
Inhaled smoke
burning my
lungs
No doubt,
yours too.

The empty packets
Of pills and
pills
Your blood soaked bed
Your smothered
face
The piercing
screaming
smoke alarm
"Call the ambulance!"


Crystalised
in my
mind.

I hold it back
But my mind
escapes
To relive again
Pulling back
your tea-towel
tourniquet
that open wound
the flesh inside
bloody raw
and my lunch
(had I eaten any)
threatens to uprise

so like that dream
of two days
ago
how was I to match
the symbols
the representations
how was I
to know
this was coming
for real?

All responsibility
Embedded in
your choked words
As I wrapped my
hand
around yours
And whispered
"I'm here"
Your accusational statement


"you didn't love me anymore"





It's not my fault
It can't be
Can it?


I tried to counter
Your dependency
And instead
Only succeeded
in hauling
all the weight
of your
almost
suicide
onto my
thin frail
shoulders

Side to side
I try again
Just can't shake
This guilt