tantrum_child

this is a giant fuck you to all those who dont bother
this is a giant fuck you to all those who dont bother unless they can get high
this is a giant fuck you to all those who dont bother unless there's something in it for them
this is a giant fuck you to all those who hurt me
this is a giant fuck you to all those who put me down to feel better about themselves
this is a giant fuck you to all those who bail on plans
this is a giant fuck you to all those who threw my help, love and friendship in my face
this is a giant fuck you to all those who dont reply to my messages
this is a giant fuck you to all those who i thought were my friends
this is a giant fuck you to all those who have proven their worth

this is a giant hug to those who call to ask how i am (john - ur the best)
this is a giant hug to those who ring to catch up for coffee
this is a giant hug to those who bother to contact me instead of waiting for me to get to them all the time
this is a giant hug to those who want to catch up during the day
this is a giant hug to those who are willing to help me out
this is a giant hug to those who have meaningful conversations with me
this is a giant hug to those who i can spend hours talking shit with
this is a giant hug to those who buy me a beer at the pub
this is a giant hug to those who don't let shit get in the way of our friendship
this is a giant hug to those who believe in me
this is a giant hug to those who respect me
this is a giant hug to those who have faith in me
this is a giant hug to those who trust me and give me reason to trust them
this is a giant hug to those who stick up for me
this is a giant hug to those who are always there for me
this is a giant hug to those who make me feel good about myself
this is a giant hug to those who make me laugh
this is a giant hug to those who are TRUE friends... i love you xxx

sure, some ppl are fun, and they can make me laugh, but are they there when it counts? no... and they haven't been for a while.

I've learned a lot about my friends.
Remove yourself, and lay awake listening to the absence of phone calls.
Wake up to realise you have not one plan for the day.
I'm sure i should ache and long for a filling of this void, but I know exactly where to find them.
I suspected it would hurt more than it does.
It doesn't. what am i leaving in my past but hollow shells where once sparked light?
I know where open arms are should i seek, i know where hugs and kisses are waiting.
It's all well and good to matter when I'm there, but a true friend does not forget me the moment i close the door.
A true friend's love does not end when they eventually come down.

And I harbour much resent for those who raped me of my time
Robbed me of my resources
And in myself i find fault
for i abandoned ship on real friendships
sailed out to play with the sharks
only to find they have fins, and teeth, and i do not belong there
at the end of our meet, they swim away. and i was left. alone. possibly drowning.

I'm lucky. because i've been saved by the few who found me beached.
they revived me
and reminded me
why i love them
why i don't want to swim with the sharks
why i can't breathe under water so while it's fun to play
i can't live there... i belong here, with those who drag me from the grasp of the great hunger of the tide.
it pulled me in
and it washed me up
bare and naked
and alone

so much appreciation for those who still love me
for those who still care
life feels better now
you can sit there with your pipe in hand
day after day
to get through a day
pop another pill
eat another trip

good luck with that
cos when all the fun runs out
maybe i'll glance your way and say
"...do i know you?..."


I don't have time for ppl who waste it.


**afternote - this blog is all over the place... lol get all ur different styles out! hahaha and might i mention im petrified of fish... ive just come a long way with friends and fuckheads... and this pays tribute to that...**