tantrum_child

=where are you=

you told me
it was up to me
you told me
we meant more
you told me
if i needed you
you'd be home
you told me
all it would take
was the slightest indication
i wasn't coping
and you'd find another way

i'm not coping
i'm not surviving
drowning
breaking
the panic attacks
more frequent
more aggressive
so fucking scary

like it's all on top of me
drowning
my arms clamber
above my head
resistant to escape
there's so much wrong
so much failure
filling my lungs
i can't breathe
where am i going?
what have i done?
what now?
pressure bearing down
pulsing through my temples
readiness to combust
my heart races
it's all too much
and i just want to do
what i've done before
turn to a bottle
a packet
swallow it down
watch the world go numb
and feel my fingertips fuzz
as i drift away
not knowing if awake
is on the other side

then there's you
i can't
for you
but you're not here
and i'm all fucked up
and i can't ask you
to come home
i can't ask you
to give it all up
for me
because i wasn't strong enough
because i couldn't cope

so i dont know what to do
try another day
try every day
i hope it's worth it
because i might break
and because it breaks my heart
and a piece of me away
every single day

i hope i make it
im sorry



a while later...
=note to all=

I'm fucking losing the plot
absolutely losing it

chlo goes crazy
part 12

I'm sorry in advance
i don't feel there's anything i can do to stop it.

love you