tantrum_child

-he took my heart away in his suitcase-


i've been
so depressed
since you've been gone
endless tears
stinging raw cheeks

it's meant to get easier
but i just keep falling
this is fucked

my support is gone
my love is gone
the one thing i live for
isn't here
to live for
the motivation to get up
and be IN life
isn't here
to make me want to get up
and sure i know he loves me
so i'll get up
when he comes home
cos right now
there seems little other reason

it's so hard
standing on my two feet
i feel the ground
shaky beneath
i'm trying so hard
to be strong
to stand tall
and to accept this life
as one that will benefit us later
but what is the point of later
if now is all in pain?

i'm lost
everything is changing
and i don't recognise my surroundings
i can't fall
because no one will catch
and when i do
it's bitter
and lonely
knowing this is how
it's going to be
from now on

he came into my life
and he made me see its beauty
colours were brighter
clouds became beautiful
not just another bearer of bad news
and life
all of a sudden
became something to excite me
something to look forward to
and i became
something to be proud of
a force to be reckoned with
and something
worthwhile

and now
he's not here
and the world doesn't look so beautiful
and things aren't happening for a reason
and i can't laugh it off
and i can't smile in the face of adversity
knowing everything will be ok
because waiting at home
is the most beautiful gift i've ever gotten

because home has changed
and i open the door
to find again an empty bed
full of last night's tears
and broken hearts

i can't be selfish
i can't rob him of an opportunity
so i have to pretend to be strong
and i have to find a way
but it is hurting so so much
and i'm not sure i can do it
because without him
life just isn't life
and it's a lot harder to be in it

i need you
i need you here
so in your embrace
i feel the love
and in your eyes
i can remember
what it is
i'm fighting for
and the be reminded
that in the end
it's all going to be worth it