in a happy place
Just some thoughts for the last week....
People brought some stuff up, that's made me think about a situation I was in for a good 3 yearsmade me think about all that was in front of me, and all I have now and hence this blog came about
A rapist, a murderer
You take from someone their right of consent and force yourself upon them, inside them, beyond their control and will, and you get fucked on by the law and justice system. Rarely is this enough, for all you've taken from that victim, scars they'll always bare, and the people that commit these crimes get a hardly just few years in a prison system (where, with any luck, someone will invade their cavities with all the brutality with which they took their victim). Forever scars. But at least some justice. Many women are reported to feel sick though, when the criminal beast is released. And more often than not, worry that this animal will go out there and hurt another in the same way
What for emotional rape? What for a partner emotionally raped, abused, beaten and tortured? What for a boyfriend who makes you believe you're nothing so that he can be that something just a little more? What for a "man" (he deserves not even this title) who belittles a world he feels less than for some compensation for the shit person he knows he is inside? What for a boyfriend who puts his ego and his image above the one he says he loves. And if she tries to leave? Suicidal, anything, to make her stay, cos while she may damage his ego and image, and make him look a little stupid when she's around, her leaving him will make him look even more ridiculous. So he fights to get her back, only so he can put her back in her place leaving him to feel once again, more a man. Until he leaves her. It's okay then, cos he doesn't look so stupid. Til the whore he's fucking turns out to be just that, a whore. Then he comes crawling back
Why do these bastards not feel the toll of their abuse? And if we beat them, abuse them, in any way to express our repression, we indeed would be crucified. And they go on to hurt another.
These things I'm now so far from
Neglect, Abuse, Shame
I meant nothing. I was just there, in the background, something to fuck, something to come home to, something to make it feel not so lonely. Something to sit in the passenger seat when there was no one else. Something to heighten an ego.
Emotional abuse. Nothing was ever his fault. Ever ever ever. Always mine. He'd "forget" things that he had said and point blank deny ever saying them. I was a slut and everything he did was so much better than me and so different to me. Yelled at when I was trying to talk, abused when I was crying Someone who is ashamed of me. Someone who had no pride in me, didn't want anyone to know we were together, because it might ruin his image. Everything else was always more important. No photos of me, no pride in me, Nothing. I may as well not have been there . I'm not completely void of fault, but no one deserves to be treated the way I was.
I don't like him, I don't ever think about him, I don't care about him. But in caring about one of my friends, and learning of his concern for a certain girl, he's been brought back into my thoughts. Mainly resentment and bitterness, and appreciation for what I have now. Now, I don't get on with this girl. However, nobody deserves the absolute headfucking games that come hand in hand with being involved with him. "If you like her, fucking be with her. Don't be ashamed of her. Don't treat her like shit in front of your friends. If they really loved you, they wouldn't care that you are with her. And if you care so much, if u think so little of her, then why the fuck would you be with her? Then you lie to people. Make her feel like shit by saying she's made it up. By calling her those names. But people know the truth because people have seen it. People know more than you think. You will get uncovered, and then you'll feel REAL stupid. Why would you fuck with someone so much? She, even she, who I've never been one to speak nicely of, deserves better."
He should be alone. He doesn't know how to treat people. He's too selfish and too in love with his ego, too scared of people hating him. So he pushes away the only few who can love him. Good luck with that. And kudos to the girl who's already realized good on ya.
And that's the funny thing. It's not about me. I've moved on from that, the way I was treated, him and all his mess, it really doesn't affect me anymore. Except when I learn that other girls are letting themselves think this is too GOOD for them?!?! That's when it flares up. Some guys, will always be fuckheads and always be fucked in the head. They don't know how to love, they don't know past their own image and ego, but unless you respect yourself, you are putting yourself there, and no one else can help you. It was my own fault I was there so long. And I, in turn, hurt him too. But I shoulda gotten out sooner. And so should these girls. Don't settle for second best. Because the best is most certainly out there, just waiting for you to stumble upon them then you'll be happier than ever before, I promise you.
And what do I have now?????
Affection, Pride, Love, Respect, Comfort, Equality, Fun
You hug me. All the time, no matter where we are, you've got one hand in mine, or one arm around me, or u make sure to come and give me a kiss. And not because u know I want it. Because you love me as much as I love you, and you too can't go a second without contact! I've told so many ppl the story of how u bounce around when we're out and u talk to other chicks and other ppl and u yell "that's my girlfriend! I love her!" and point to me. You have photos of me everywhere! You have entire computer folders dedicated to me, stalker spec
You're proud to say, and I often hear you telling people, that im yours, and u want the world to know how happy you are and how "wonderful" I am. You love me. And it's evident in every kiss, every touch, every time u look at me. You say I love you because u mean it, not cos of habit. We don't even need to say I love you, we just look at each other and nod. How much love can you have?! You respect me as the person I am. You never laugh at me or make fun of me or make me feel inadequate in any way! Everything I do or say is great. You love me for everything I am, not just what I am to you. You even love me for my past and my fuck ups cos they make me, me. I fell on my ass and smacked my face into a pole, and it was all okay hahaha! Goes with respect, with love, with everything. I know you love me and I make every life movement knowing you love me and knowing at the end of the day you're there waiting when I come home. I can make mistakes knowing you'll still love me for it. I can leave u in a mass group of girls, and you're the centre of attention, and ur talking and they're hanging on ur words, and maybe some of them want you, and I just walk away knowing that you're thinking of me, knowing you love me, you're prolly gonna end up telling them how much u love me. There's nothing to worry about. You're mine. It's the same as all that other stuff. Im comfortable. You love me the same as I love you. You're not better, or worse. You're not ashamed of me, because we're equal. We fit perfectly. Me in your world, and u in mine. We're a unit. Yet we are definite individuals. We've made this perfect balance of a relationship together. I never feel less, or like I don't deserve you. I never look down on you. I just feel lucky. And I think you're beautiful. And like this was meant to be. And most importantly, we are so random! We have so much fun and nothing I do is ever too stupid, same with you. We never laugh at each other, or give each other that "why am I with you?" look. We're both complete fucking nutters, and when I jump on a trolley and start rolling thru the shopping centre, you don't yell at me, or tell me to get off, or think I'm an idiot. No, what do you do? You jump up behind me and roll me along. And when I randomly suggest outside a nightclub "let's run around the block" you do it. And at the end of it all, you somehow seem even more proud to yell "that's my girlfriend!" and I feel exactly the same!
Haha, a victim of emotional abuse and rape? I wouldn't go that far, I am at fault for allowing myself to stay in that situation for so long. And I was my own fair share of fucked up. But I'm recovered, and im happier than ever with someone who knows how to treat me because he loves me, and WANTS me to be happy.
I appreciate him so much, for everything he gives me, for the way he looks at me, for the way he holds me, cuddles me, needs me, talks to me, talks about me, dances with me, kisses me, plays with me, touches me, cares for me I love you anyway, for everything you are, but I love you so much and am so thankful for simply, the fact that you love me.
I'm in such a happy place. From where I've been, to where I am now, the things I've learned along the way
The place im now in, with these friends, this love, my life in it's direction
Depression who?
I'm happy. Fuck yes, I'm happy.
Just some thoughts for the last week....
People brought some stuff up, that's made me think about a situation I was in for a good 3 yearsmade me think about all that was in front of me, and all I have now and hence this blog came about
A rapist, a murderer
You take from someone their right of consent and force yourself upon them, inside them, beyond their control and will, and you get fucked on by the law and justice system. Rarely is this enough, for all you've taken from that victim, scars they'll always bare, and the people that commit these crimes get a hardly just few years in a prison system (where, with any luck, someone will invade their cavities with all the brutality with which they took their victim). Forever scars. But at least some justice. Many women are reported to feel sick though, when the criminal beast is released. And more often than not, worry that this animal will go out there and hurt another in the same way
What for emotional rape? What for a partner emotionally raped, abused, beaten and tortured? What for a boyfriend who makes you believe you're nothing so that he can be that something just a little more? What for a "man" (he deserves not even this title) who belittles a world he feels less than for some compensation for the shit person he knows he is inside? What for a boyfriend who puts his ego and his image above the one he says he loves. And if she tries to leave? Suicidal, anything, to make her stay, cos while she may damage his ego and image, and make him look a little stupid when she's around, her leaving him will make him look even more ridiculous. So he fights to get her back, only so he can put her back in her place leaving him to feel once again, more a man. Until he leaves her. It's okay then, cos he doesn't look so stupid. Til the whore he's fucking turns out to be just that, a whore. Then he comes crawling back
Why do these bastards not feel the toll of their abuse? And if we beat them, abuse them, in any way to express our repression, we indeed would be crucified. And they go on to hurt another.
These things I'm now so far from
Neglect, Abuse, Shame
I meant nothing. I was just there, in the background, something to fuck, something to come home to, something to make it feel not so lonely. Something to sit in the passenger seat when there was no one else. Something to heighten an ego.
Emotional abuse. Nothing was ever his fault. Ever ever ever. Always mine. He'd "forget" things that he had said and point blank deny ever saying them. I was a slut and everything he did was so much better than me and so different to me. Yelled at when I was trying to talk, abused when I was crying Someone who is ashamed of me. Someone who had no pride in me, didn't want anyone to know we were together, because it might ruin his image. Everything else was always more important. No photos of me, no pride in me, Nothing. I may as well not have been there . I'm not completely void of fault, but no one deserves to be treated the way I was.
I don't like him, I don't ever think about him, I don't care about him. But in caring about one of my friends, and learning of his concern for a certain girl, he's been brought back into my thoughts. Mainly resentment and bitterness, and appreciation for what I have now. Now, I don't get on with this girl. However, nobody deserves the absolute headfucking games that come hand in hand with being involved with him. "If you like her, fucking be with her. Don't be ashamed of her. Don't treat her like shit in front of your friends. If they really loved you, they wouldn't care that you are with her. And if you care so much, if u think so little of her, then why the fuck would you be with her? Then you lie to people. Make her feel like shit by saying she's made it up. By calling her those names. But people know the truth because people have seen it. People know more than you think. You will get uncovered, and then you'll feel REAL stupid. Why would you fuck with someone so much? She, even she, who I've never been one to speak nicely of, deserves better."
He should be alone. He doesn't know how to treat people. He's too selfish and too in love with his ego, too scared of people hating him. So he pushes away the only few who can love him. Good luck with that. And kudos to the girl who's already realized good on ya.
And that's the funny thing. It's not about me. I've moved on from that, the way I was treated, him and all his mess, it really doesn't affect me anymore. Except when I learn that other girls are letting themselves think this is too GOOD for them?!?! That's when it flares up. Some guys, will always be fuckheads and always be fucked in the head. They don't know how to love, they don't know past their own image and ego, but unless you respect yourself, you are putting yourself there, and no one else can help you. It was my own fault I was there so long. And I, in turn, hurt him too. But I shoulda gotten out sooner. And so should these girls. Don't settle for second best. Because the best is most certainly out there, just waiting for you to stumble upon them then you'll be happier than ever before, I promise you.
And what do I have now?????
Affection, Pride, Love, Respect, Comfort, Equality, Fun
You hug me. All the time, no matter where we are, you've got one hand in mine, or one arm around me, or u make sure to come and give me a kiss. And not because u know I want it. Because you love me as much as I love you, and you too can't go a second without contact! I've told so many ppl the story of how u bounce around when we're out and u talk to other chicks and other ppl and u yell "that's my girlfriend! I love her!" and point to me. You have photos of me everywhere! You have entire computer folders dedicated to me, stalker spec
You're proud to say, and I often hear you telling people, that im yours, and u want the world to know how happy you are and how "wonderful" I am. You love me. And it's evident in every kiss, every touch, every time u look at me. You say I love you because u mean it, not cos of habit. We don't even need to say I love you, we just look at each other and nod. How much love can you have?! You respect me as the person I am. You never laugh at me or make fun of me or make me feel inadequate in any way! Everything I do or say is great. You love me for everything I am, not just what I am to you. You even love me for my past and my fuck ups cos they make me, me. I fell on my ass and smacked my face into a pole, and it was all okay hahaha! Goes with respect, with love, with everything. I know you love me and I make every life movement knowing you love me and knowing at the end of the day you're there waiting when I come home. I can make mistakes knowing you'll still love me for it. I can leave u in a mass group of girls, and you're the centre of attention, and ur talking and they're hanging on ur words, and maybe some of them want you, and I just walk away knowing that you're thinking of me, knowing you love me, you're prolly gonna end up telling them how much u love me. There's nothing to worry about. You're mine. It's the same as all that other stuff. Im comfortable. You love me the same as I love you. You're not better, or worse. You're not ashamed of me, because we're equal. We fit perfectly. Me in your world, and u in mine. We're a unit. Yet we are definite individuals. We've made this perfect balance of a relationship together. I never feel less, or like I don't deserve you. I never look down on you. I just feel lucky. And I think you're beautiful. And like this was meant to be. And most importantly, we are so random! We have so much fun and nothing I do is ever too stupid, same with you. We never laugh at each other, or give each other that "why am I with you?" look. We're both complete fucking nutters, and when I jump on a trolley and start rolling thru the shopping centre, you don't yell at me, or tell me to get off, or think I'm an idiot. No, what do you do? You jump up behind me and roll me along. And when I randomly suggest outside a nightclub "let's run around the block" you do it. And at the end of it all, you somehow seem even more proud to yell "that's my girlfriend!" and I feel exactly the same!
Haha, a victim of emotional abuse and rape? I wouldn't go that far, I am at fault for allowing myself to stay in that situation for so long. And I was my own fair share of fucked up. But I'm recovered, and im happier than ever with someone who knows how to treat me because he loves me, and WANTS me to be happy.
I appreciate him so much, for everything he gives me, for the way he looks at me, for the way he holds me, cuddles me, needs me, talks to me, talks about me, dances with me, kisses me, plays with me, touches me, cares for me I love you anyway, for everything you are, but I love you so much and am so thankful for simply, the fact that you love me.
I'm in such a happy place. From where I've been, to where I am now, the things I've learned along the way
The place im now in, with these friends, this love, my life in it's direction
Depression who?
I'm happy. Fuck yes, I'm happy.
tigereyes:
i'm glad u survived and your ok